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Light and darkness can not remain at the same place at the same time. Similarly, stress and meditation can not remain at the same place. If you meditate regularly, there will be no stress in you. In that situation, what is there for you to manage? You will be like the manager, without the portfolio!

What is the source of stress? It is the agitations and waves in your mind. Mind does not have an independent status. It doesn’t have its own territory. It doesn’t even have a small plot, to call its own. It is a bundle of thoughts. Mind is minding. When it gets the minding business, more than its capacity, it is said to be under stress.

Thought process is a continuous process. It can’t be stopped as such. But the true import of your thoughts can be understood. Medication is a great technique to understand your thoughts. When you properly reflect upon your thoughts, you will realize that they do not have any power as such. They try to overpower you with their ‘mind-blowing’ tricks. When you make them understand their true nature, they wag their tail like a faithful, obedient dog!

Meditation calms you down and in the process, nullifies the stress effect. Can you gain anything from negative thinking- which is the cause of stress? Meditation works at three levels of your personality to reduce and remove your stress.

They are: the physical level, the mental level and the spiritual level. It relaxes the various important parts of your body such as, the brain, the lungs, the blood and the heart. These are the areas where the maximum numbers of ‘failures’ occur. Meditation is the panacea to tackle all the shortcomings in the human system.

Day spa is a word synonym for relaxation and the euphoric feeling of happiness letting you out of all your work or personal life stress. You must have heard of day spas many times, might be you being regular customer there, or tried it for once. Whatever, these provide good way to escape daily life problems and have a chance to pamper yourself and rejuvenate your body.

Day spas refer to those establishments that offer services like massages, therapies, body wraps or specialized treatments over a daytime. These processes could take any time from 1 hour to whole day and during these you are in the serene environment of a day spa, away from all tensions and daily chores and just being there with you only and for yourself only.

As per estimate, there are thousands of spas and still more are coming up. Some offer specialized services while some cater specific needs like escape day spas, couple spas etc. You just be sure to land in the right one.

I have been reading a book, the first I’ve ever seen of its kind in fact, named Soothe Your Nerves: The Black Woman’s Guide to Understanding and Overcoming Anxiety, Panic, and Fear. Though books have served as self-illumination and a sense that I am not alone in my struggles, there have only been a few books that have fit my life like a second skin. Soothe Your Nerves ranks up there with those few. Not only did the title grab my attention but as I looked at the front of the book, I knew it was exactly what I was looking for. The terminology, iridescent of the era I grew up in, and the relevance to my current struggle set the book apart from any of the others of that genre. Further, throughout my reading, my head and spirit have nodded in agreement with the author’s familiarity and perceptions.

With the exception of one other book, Love Is A Choice, no other book has had such profound relevance to my current experience. Oprah calls it an Aha moment.

One such Aha moment was when I read about the origin of the Strong Black Woman concept–“This ability to rise against overwhelming odds” discussed by the author. I must tell you, though I’ve strived to be “strong,” it’s been brutal. Tears were frowned upon as weakness or pitiful unless they were during worship. Taking it a step further, at some point you had to stop crying and start doing the holy dance; otherwise the church mothers would start pleading the blood over you and coaching you to repeat their praiseworthy declarations. “Hallelujah!” They would clap their hands while shouting “thank you, Jesus” and “glory” until you stopped that crying.

Sidebar, some good soul cleansing and relief from anxiety happened during some of those praise sessions. Still, there were other times when I felt more exhausted and frustrated afterwards than uplifted.

Sleep is something we tend to take for granted, but lack of good sleep is becoming a wide-spread problem in the United States. According to a recent poll by the National Science Foundation, only 50 percent of Americans get a “good night” sleep a few nights each week. So what is the big deal about that?

Side effects of poor sleep

Insufficient sleep or a lack of good sleep can degrade your health and affect your ability to function throughout the day. If untreated, sleep problems may lead to the following health issues:

1. Decreased immune response: A study at Washington State University found that adequate sleep was a key factor in fighting illness. If you are not getting sufficient sleep and you become ill, you may suffer from more serious symptoms and have difficulty recovering.
2. Reduced memory: According to researchers at the University of Liege in Belgium, a “good night” sleep helps the brain consolidate memories so that theyare readily available during waking hours.
3. Daytime sleepiness and fatigue: Researchers at Penn State College of Medicine have found that even one night of disrupted or missed sleep in a healthy person can drastically alter chemical balance of the body. This may cause reduced productivity and an increased risk of accidents.

We all know the word stress and most of us know when we are being stressed, but do you know the symptoms that show you are over stressed?

If you do, and can spot them early and there are some exercises and techniques explained below that can let you beat them before you need medication.

The Stress Symptoms

Almost always when you are being stressed, you will notice a tightening of your muscles, usually in the hands and arms, sometimes the legs and feet.

Your blood pressure will rise, and your skin temperature will as well. These are normal responses from your natural “fight or flight” reflex.

If you are a bit observant and watch yourself carefully, you can identify these stress responses by your body.

Short-Term Stress is Good. Long-Term Stress is Deadly

If the above stress responses occur because you are in some sort of danger, and you have to protect yourself (by fighting or fleeing), then the stress is good. However they must be controlled.

A good example is being in a long line at the airport, with a nasty airline employee greeting you after your turn finally comes. The employee can stress you to very high limits, and you need all your self-control.

You will see your stress symptoms appearing.

Your quick reaction is needed. You must assert yourself, and get the employee to do their job, and quickly, and politely.

Your fighting will be by mental means, and verbal delivery. This short-term stress was a good thing.

Your body’s reactions were healthy for you, and all your natural anti-oxidants raced throughout your body to clear up any free radicals that were present.

However, if you suffer the above symptoms from an aggressive boss or co-worker at work on a daily basis, you are heading for real trouble.

Daily stress will:

• Weaken your immune system.

• Cause various organs to malfunction or fail.

• Produce undesired chemicals (hormones and enzymes) in your system.

Eventually you will become ill if you subject yourself to a daily stress that has the ability to produce stressor-reactions.

De-Stress! And Beat Stress

If you understand that your stress is becoming chronic, you must begin to de-stress at the sign of the first symptoms.

It’s easy; anyone can do it, anywhere. Follow these steps exactly, you will de-stress at once.

What do I need to expect when I first contact a therapist, and how can I tell if they’re going to be a good one?

What Happens In The First Contact?

You’ve selected a therapist to call for an appointment. For most people, the hardest part is now: that first phone call. I thought it would be helpful to let you know what ought to happen when you call. This might decrease your anxiety about the unknown. It also gives you additional means to evaluate the therapist’s professional competence.

Keep in mind what I said before: I am describing here a “perfect” encounter, and your experience can be helpful if it is a little less than perfect. Use the following scenario as a guideline to judge the relative competence of your prospective therapist.

In your very first phone call, you will probably encounter either an answering machine or (less likely) a receptionist. With either, you only need to leave the following information:

That you want to talk to the therapist
Your name and telephone number
Briefly, when you can be reached

That’s it. At this time, it is not necessary to explain the reason for your call. You should never have to discuss the reason that you want to talk to the therapist with anyone except the therapist. A receptionist is NOT entitled to know and should not ask. If he/she does, a red flag should go up for you because the secure frame is already being broken.

You also shouldn’t have to convince the therapist to see you. I think it would be extremely unusual that any therapist in private practice would not agree to see you at least once, as long as they have time available. Don’t feel that you have to “qualify” for the appointment by offering a suitable reason. If you are dealing with an HMO or a community mental health clinic, this may, unfortunately, be compromised.

What is Psychotherapy? Psychotherapists are not just people who give you advice. Psychotherapy is not simple problem-solving. Therapy produces change in your life, but not primarily because of advice you get from the therapist.

In reality, therapy is a much, much richer experience. Psychotherapy is a specialized technique which is effective in helping you cope with a wide range of difficulties. It can produce lasting change in your life.

“Specialized techniques of caring have been developed which have the potential to produce change in human life, even when there are deep and persistent problems.

“Psychotherapy helps individuals explore and resolve more enduring and deeply felt sources of conflict and dissatisfaction in their lives, so that they will gain confidence and inner wholeness.

“Building an alliance of trust with the therapist leads to a reshaping of significant emotional experiences, and builds confidence and wholeness in new and enduring relationships. It provides the presence of ‘personhood,’ not just technique.” –Gary Hellman

The foundation of psychotherapy is the relationship you establish with the therapist. Research has shown that the technique the therapist uses is not as important as the relationship you build together. As therapy progresses and trust is established, you will actually use the relationship between you and your therapist as a workspace, to resolve problems in your life.

Because the relationship with the therapist is so essential to the process, it is important to find a therapist to whom you feel connected, with whom you feel safe. In psychotherapy, you intentionally make yourself deeply vulnerable to another human being. That is a very frightening assignment indeed. But you must realize it is this very process of self revealing and trust building that can be the means of your healing. At the end of this frightening and difficult path lies the inner wholeness you long for.

Obviously, if you are to make yourself so vulnerable, you must feel safe. I will show you how a good therapist builds that sense of trust and safety with you. Finding The Answer You Already Know (You just don’t know that you know!)

There is a part of your mind, beyond your conscious awareness, that knows if your therapist is helping you. Your unconscious controls your deep emotional satisfaction, or dissatisfaction. If your therapist does something unhelpful, your unconscious knows it, and will tell you. Messages from your unconscious mind are messages from you to yourself, and you can use them to evaluate the true success of your therapy.

Of course, learning to evaluate messages from your unconscious mind can be difficult at first, since your unconscious mind communicates with the outside world only indirectly. After all, it is unconscious. The unconscious mind speaks only through dreams, and through broad themes that play themselves out through other aspects of your life.

Furthermore, your unconscious and your conscious mind often disagree. Consciously, you might think one thing; but deep inside your unconscious, your true feeling is otherwise. Nevertheless, since your unconscious mind controls your deep-seated emotional satisfaction or dissatisfaction, the unconscious mind is often the theater of psychotherapy.

Did you notice the Christmas decorations going up on Halloween? Did a chill run down your spine? The holiday season seems to be getting longer and longer and shorter. Yes, shorter. Look at the expectations this season puts on you. Fifty five days are nowhere near enough to achieve Countess MarthaRachelNigelaPaula FoodNetwork perfection. I’m not sure I’m even up to Real Simple standards. So much to do! Are your cards out? Did you shop ’til you dropped on Black Friday? Did you make wonderful decorations out of recycled materials? Have you picked the absolutely perfect gift for everyone on your list? Do you have color-coordinated wrapping paper, tags, and ribbon? Can you tie a perfect bow? When will you be having your holiday party? What will you serve? What will you wear to everyone else’s event? Do you know what to tip your hairdresser? What’s the politically correct holiday greeting? So many questions, so little time! Holiday madness really set in when I visited a friend form Thanksgiving. She had decided that she didn’t feel up to cooking, so she ordered from her local supermarket. And then began to obsess. It wouldn’t taste good. There wouldn’t be enough. Turkey, cranberry sauce, whole wheat rolls, roasted butternut squash, mashed potatoes and a pumpkin pie clearly was not enough for five people. We added extra side dishes - home made cranberry sauce, candied chestnuts, fruit stuffing, baked onions, candied sweets, baked sweets, peas with fresh mushrooms and three more pies. Oh - and at the last minute she ran back for a turkey breast - just in case. Everything tasted great, and we all had a good time, but it really made me think about how easy it is to get caught up in holiday excess. So - how will you have a peaceful holiday season? Here are a few simple suggestions.

1. Just like Santa, make a list and check it twice. While you’re checking, do a little reality check. Are you buying gifts for too many people? Are you planning on spending an unrealistic amount on each? Have you burdened yourself with impossible-to-find items? (No, my cousin will probably NOT get that antique fruit bowl this year.)

2. Only accept invitations that make you happy. If that means none, go for it! An unbreakable prior engagement is always a valid excuse. No one needs to know that the engagement may be with your couch.

3. Wear comfortable clothes. Always. Don’t let tight shoes or a dubious neckline spoil your fun.

4. Shop in comfortable shoes. Carry your wallet someplace easy for you to reach but hard for anyone else to get at. Don’t burden yourself down with too many packages.

5. Buy on line. Presents, dinner, cards, reservations - all just a click away.

6. If you must send packages, remember that the Postal Service will now pick up packages at your home.

7. Don’t bake unless you would go into a serious depression if deprived of the experience. If you do bake, set limits. I will never again have more containers of cookies than can fit on a fully extended kitchen table.

8. This one is for next year. Pick up interesting gifts throughout the year. If you travel, this is a great way to have truly unique gifts. Just don’t forget where you put them. Last year I gave several lovely objects I’d bought in Sicily three years ago. I’d put them in a safe place. At least they eventually surfaced.

9. Simplicity is very classy. Repeat that twenty times, then start cutting back on your plans.

10. Gift cards are a wonderful thing. Want to give the perfect gift? Not only are gift cards perfect, but you can fit them in your carry-on luggage.

11. Travel light. Carry your pills, jewelry and one-ounce containers or the liquids you need. Wear something comfortable and a bit classy so that if your luggage is lost you’re reasonably prepared.

12. Block out time on your calendar to do absolutely nothing but take care of yourself - whether that means go to a movie, meditate, get a massage, or just take a nap. Pace yourself.

Are the holidays more stressful than enjoyable for you If you can’t wait for December to be over, here are some tips to make the holiday season tolerable - and maybe even enjoyable!

1. ADJUST YOUR EXPECTATIONS: Perfection is not the goal. Don’t worry so much about giving or receiving the perfect gift.

In the past couple of weeks I’ve been doing an informal survey with kids and adults, asking them, “What did you get for Christmas last year?” And you know what? Most people don’t remember.

The lesson to parents: don’t fret so much about getting your kids the latest and greatest toy. It’s not going to damage them emotionally, and they’re not going to end up hating you. In my 30+ years of doing therapy, NO ONE has EVER complained about what they did or didn’t get for Christmas.

2. SHOPPING: Think of the rush of activities as an adventure rather than an ordeal. If it’s raining or snowing when you must go shopping, all the better for your challenge. Attitude really does make a difference. Also, remind yourself that you are doing this voluntarily. No one is forcing you.

Hate shopping, but have to buy gifts? Here are some options:

• Buy gift certificates, magazine subscriptions. Buy online.
• Shop early and get it over with. Waiting till later prolongs your stress.
• Once you’re out shopping, decide you’re going to make the best of it. Grumbling about your ordeal only makes you focus more on the negative.
• While in the stores, do something kind for someone else, such as letting the person go first to the cashier. It will put you in the holiday spirit of giving.

3. TRAFFIC AND PARKING: Penn State football games have worse traffic and parking than any mall, but hardly anyone complains. Why? Because they have adjusted their expectations and are mentally prepared to allow more time - it’s just part of the activity itself. You can apply the same logic to shopping trips.4. SOCIAL GATHERINGS: Don’t dwell on yourself or on what people are thinking of you. Focus on others and find something interesting about them, even if it’s only a novel tie that they¹re wearing. You will be less self-conscious and better able to enjoy yourself.

5. DE-COMMERCIALIZE:

• Connect with someone you haven’t talked to in a long time. You’ve probably been meaning to do this for a long time. Now is a good time.
• Find opportunities to help others.
• Take time to play with or read to your kids. They will remember these times and tell their kids about them.
• Show your appreciation with a thank-you, a smile or a hug (or all three.) It takes just a moment, but it can make a person’s day. Even better, write a note of appreciation to someone who is important to you. Don’t be surprised if that person keeps the note for years to come.

The ways in which people experience stress are as unique as the individuals themselves; and the causes just as varied. Causes of stress are diverse and can result in a downward spiral of physical and emotional health. To battle and conquer stress, one must first understand their own individual causes of stress so as to handle situations that arise with clarity and preparedness.

For some, causes of stress stem from career and work conflict. Whether it be working several jobs to make ends meet or working long hours to meet deadlines. Worry combined with exhaustion can make for one of the most significant causes of stress. In the battle to ward off causes of stress such as these it is important to be an active participant in your time management. Taking on too many projects at once – to the point where it limits sleep and leaves little time for any other activities – can be detrimental in the long run.

Causes of stress that result from personal and social conflict can also be pervasive and dangerous for physical and emotional health. The break-up of a relationship, the loss of a loved one, or the dissolution of a family unit can be one of the most debilitating causes of stress.

Tackling your causes of stress can be a personal journey. You may identify those causes of stress that are most prevalent in your life and take measures to avoid them as much as possible or determine what will help you combat the effects. If you know that a certain periodic business meeting causes you stress then prepare yourself; get a lot of sleep the night before, exercise the morning of, or meditate just prior to the meeting.

As opposed to painful, short-lived periods of stress, long term causes of stress are easier to track. You can easily predict causes of stress if you are vigilant about your daily activities.

It may be helpful to keep a journal with you at all times; this will allow you to keep track of those situations in which you feel the most stress. Also, finding support to deal with your causes of stress can be enormously helpful; find someone to talk to whom you can trust or find a group of like-minded peers with whom you can share your experiences.

Can you actually eliminate stress and anxiety by sleeping? If you just take a nap does stress or anxiety just disappear? It would be nice to think so wouldn’t it?

Well don’t be alarmed, and don’t turn off your computer just yet. I will let you into a secret.

Stress and anxiety can be eliminated by sleeping. Not just any sleep, good sleep.

To understand this you need to know a few things about your sleep patterns. Firstly you need to know what happens to your brain when you sleep (how do you release your anxiety and stress) and secondly what happens to your body.

The Mind Changes

When you sleep you go through three brain wave patterns. When you are awake, you are in a Beta brain wave state. As soon as you close your eyes you enter Alpha, and then with time you go through Theta and eventually in a deep sleep you enter the Delta brain wave.

Each of these brain wave states has an anti stress and anxiety purpose…

The Alpha mind is where you dream. It is those colorful movies you play in your head. This is your mind working out all your problems of today or your past and trying to find solutions and answers to problems or question you have, it helps you release your anxiety and stress.

The more stress or anxiety you have, the longer it takes to go through Alpha and get to the Theta state.

In Theta your mind creates the still images, like photos. They tend to be in black and white. This is also your thought state.

I know very little about riding horses, but I admire people who do. They always look as though they are enjoying themselves. Usually, the horses don’t appear to mind either. From what I know, balance is important and some degree of flexibility is required. Perhaps that is why Robert Lewis Stevenson advised “Sit loosely in the saddle of life.” People ride different horses through life. Some ride plow horses, steady and strong; some race horses sleek and fast; some jumpers risking and daring; and some trail horses, trot, canter, and gallop. No matter what steed one rides, I am told, sitting loose in the saddle is sound advice. Too rigid in body, too firm in hand and you are prone to pain. Sitting tensely makes each bump bigger, each sway severe, and each turn treacherous. Sitting loosely allows the body to limit the impact and reduce the shocks that come with each step. It has to do with setting the course and letting the horse pretty much take care of the rest. How we sit in life’s saddle has much to do with the balance between controlling and allowing — holding on and letting go. Knowing what to control and when to hold on isn’t easy. As a matter of fact, we tend to get it backwards. Often, when it would be best to let go and allow things to happen, we tighten our grip and seek to take control. When we would be better off asserting some control, we let go and allow things to happen. Having some idea as to where the horse we are riding is heading makes sitting loosely in the saddle possible. When we know we are on course, we can allow the journey to happen. When we are off course, we best maneuver our way back. We all ride best when we remember that neither the pace nor the destination is as important as the journey itself.

Work related stress is responsible for 30.9 days of sickness absence in the UK each year, with stress, anxiety and depression being cited as common causes.

Most of us spend approximately 25% of our adult life working, and with stress in the work place being higher than ever, employers have a legal requirement to ensure they are putting measures in place to deal with work related stress.

Finding ways to relax both in the work place and in recreation time is an excellent way to manage work related stress.

What is Work Related Stress?

While everybody requires a minimum amount of stress in order to perform at optimal levels, when levels of stress continually escalate then it can become dangerous.

When faced with a stressful situation, the body prepares to ‘fight’ or ‘flight’. During this ‘stress response’, hormones, including adrenaline, are released in preparation to deal with the impending situation.

Once the perceived threat has passed then the body’s equilibrium is restored. However, for many people this is not the case.

For some, stress can be encompassed in every aspect of their daily life. It is this prolonged effect of the stress response that can cause the body’s immune system to lower and blood pressure to rise, leading to far more serious consequences.

The physical symptoms of work related stress can include:-
• excessive tiredness
• sleep disturbance
• digestive difficulties
• muscular tension
• dizziness
• headaches
• palpitations
• rapid heart beat
• nausea
• tremors
• aches and pains
• premature ejaculation/erectile dysfunction
• numbness
• dry mouth
• cold sweat
• clammy hands
• abdominal cramps
Added to this there are also emotional and behavioural effects including feelings of an inability to cope, loss of motivation and loss of commitment, low productivity, poor time management, increased absenteeism and unkempt appearance.

The effect of work related stress can cause people to turn to alcohol or drugs. They can become aggressive, irritable, be openly hostile and have angry outbursts.

What Causes Work Related Stress?

Many things can contribute to work related stress and often it is a combination of stressful factors, often going unnoticed, that accumulate over time.

In many case, work related stress is the result of a perceived inability to control a situation.

Stress can arise as a result of the pressure of work, the inability to manage workload, work relationships or organizational structure.

Other common causes include:

• excessive time pressures

• excessive or inflexible working hours

• too much or too little work or responsibility

• confusion about duties and responsibilities

• lack of job variety and interest

• inadequate training and possibilities for learning new skills

• poor work/life balance

• lack of support and lack of contact with colleagues

• organizational confusion, restructuring, job change

Dealing with Work Related Stress

While it is impossible to completely eradicate stress from the workplace, you as an employer can ensure that the negative impact of work related stress is kept to a minimum.

Learning to relax is very important to reducing stress at all levels and an excellent and easy way to achieve this is through massage.

Growing evidence shows that regular massage can reduce stress, relieve muscle tension, soothe the nerves, improve self-esteem, and evoke feelings of calmness and relaxation.

Many organizations recognize these benefits and regularly use the services of on site chair massage therapists allowing employees to have a relaxing break during the working day.

But why stop there, if a ten minute chair massage can have such a positive effect on work related stress, imagine the benefits that could be gained from a full body massage at least once a month.

Whether you as an employer bear the full cost of regular massage for your employees or ask employees to share the cost – It’s in everybody’s interest to eliminate work related stress.

Stress management techniques are meant to engage stress. They are meant to meet it half way, and not allow it to score over you. Remember, when you begin to understand and analyze the cause of your stress, half of it vanishes into thin air.

It is so because the stress in itself does not have any independent existence. It is the condition of the mind.

Howsoever powerful may the waves in the ocean be, the real nature of the waves is water! Similarly, howsoever intense may be your suffering, howsoever strong may be the agitation, the real nature of the mind is peace and bliss. When you commence your efforts to achieve it, it has no other option but to co-operate with you.

You have peace and happiness in your pocket. Why do you search for it elsewhere?

Some of the stress management techniques, from the secular point of view are:

1. Do the type of activity that will de-stress you. Walk in the garden on the green carpet, surrounded by bushes and trees.

2. Eat the type of food that you like the most; if you are an expert at it, prepare it yourself.

3. If possible, summon a friend, and take a long walk with him.

4. Identify the negativities in your mind, and try to remove them one-by-one. Do not try for total reformation, all of sudden. Slow and steady wins the race.

A person who is not appreciated at work is likely to develop an inferiority complex. It should not be so, because the man who does not appreciate his work, might be transferred soon, and the new incumbent in his place, might be an expert in human relations management. He may have great fascination for your style of work. When the cause for your stress has disappeared, where is the stress?

Do not compare yourself with anybody. There are always better off and worse off persons than you. When you know yourself, you forget all other issues that cause tribulations in your mind.

Always enjoy your job. Let your place of work be the happiest place for you. Always remember to work for the cause and never for a career as such. Do not try to outsmart others. Do not trample any one for your success. What you do is not important. How you do it is more important! Remember these stress management techniques.

Do not always think intensely, whatever others might feel about you. The best of the people are also criticized. Let the dogs bark, the caravan must march on!