Online Dating and Love Information Articles

* How very sad to read of this Legion sex case issue (NCR, Dec. 7). The greatest sadness is the deceit and unwillingness of Vatican individuals to do what is just. I’ve heard it said — and feel it must be true — that “the bigger the cross and the bigger the ring, then the bigger the head and the smaller the heart” of some of these people. Since being ordained I have often been dismayed at the corruption of some of those who call themselves Christian leaders. They are neither very Christian nor very good leaders. Sometimes I am truly ashamed of the church’s supposed leadership. Around here we have a hymn “They’ll Know We Are Christian By Our Love.” After reading about this Legion sex case, I guess they must mean that hymn for some church other than ours.

PS, I LOVE YOU.
Set in Dublin, this is a spirited and touching contemporary novel about grief and the power of family and community in helping to overcome it. Holly is a young widow whose husband left a series of brief letters to be opened monthly after his death. Each gives her an assignment that is clearly designed to help her overcome her grief and reenter the world of the living. Such a plot could become maudlin but is saved by the bold and offbeat characters that comprise Holly’s family and friends. At a family dinner, when Holly’s pink-haired younger sister is asked about her latest tattoo, she jumps up, turns, and bares her backside to display if. The whole family roars with laughter. This is but one example of outrageous exploits that teem with Celtic love of life.

Narrator Dunne’s dialect is authentic and a delight to the listening ear. The tone of Ahern’s writing reflects the “Chick-Lit” genre now so popular and, to some, annoying. There are moments when mature readers will roll their eyes at Holly’s self-centeredness. Still, the fresh and lively tone will keep listeners of any age engaged.

I am a first-generation Indian American, a certified nurse-midwife, and the mother of four darling daughters, all born at home. I have been a subscriber for more than 20 years–before I was a midwife, before I was a mother myself. I have been “with women” throughout their life cycles in India, the Netherlands, Guatemala, El Salvador, upstate New York, the Bronx, California, Indiana, and Connecticut. I have also been privileged to witness “the birth” of many fine midwifery, nursing, and medical professionals. For 20 years, Mothering has been my single favorite educational resource for my clients and students on nearly every parenting subject: breastfeeding, circumcision, induction, ultrasound, parenting styles, cross-cultural issues, unconventional families, immunization, miscarriage, schooling, and peaceful guidance. As a woman of color, a child of a faraway culture, and a homebirth midwife, I have felt included and understood. As a mother, I have felt nurtured and enlightened. As an investigator and practitioner, I have felt both challenged and supported. As a teacher, I have felt relieved and grateful to have a model for open and thoughtful discussion on controversy, options, and unconventional care.

OK, where to start? I love Mothering. I read it cover to cover (ads, too!) every single month. I talk it up to all moms and buy it as a gift for those I love, those who need it, those who I know are already “of the mind,” and those who have no idea the world of Mothering exists.

In December, I found the letter in the magazine that talked about cash flow, the needs of Mothering, and what we can do to help. As a business owner, I know too well the need to stretch a dollar. I appreciated the honesty, openness, and frankness of the letter. I renewed and bought two gift subscriptions.
Editor’s note: Thanks so much to all of you who renewed your subscriptions, gave gifts to friends and libraries, bought copies of Natural Family Living, and sent us your love and appreciation. Hundreds of you responded to our plea in the November-December 2002 issue, and the thousands of dollars you sent helped us through our financial crisis. Things are much better now, and we look forward to a strong 2003. Your letters of support meant as much to us as your orders.

I just wanted to let you know how much of a difference you have made in my family’s life! Before finding your magazine and discussion boards, I knew nothing about cloth diapering and had a hard time finding resources to back up my thoughts on not circumcising. My husband is an MD and is very research-oriented, so when I needed support with research articles, I got it in droves!

I also wanted to send a photo (right) of my two oldest children wearing their dolls, complete with matching cloth diapers that another Mothering mama made. I am hoping to help these children become future loving Mothering mamas. For information on the slings, e-mail me at jdavis0928@earthlink.net.

I can remember my mother saving every copy of Mothering she got during the 1970s. I considered it another one of her “hippie” interests. Then I became a mother myself and realized I was instinctively parenting with many of the ways found in the very same “hippie” magazine my mother had read all those years ago! And imagine the surprise (and pride, I’m told) when my mother found a copy of Mothering on my coffee table!

I like Mothering because the articles are well written; it has new perspectives and focuses on the importance of spending time with your children, which is something the more mainstream magazines often neglect. Despite the fact that I often disagree with your authors, I always enjoy reading them.

Since my first child’s birth, I have been receiving Mothering and have archived past issues. They are precious to me, and I still reference them in times of question.

Currently, my sister’s 1-year-old son has been experiencing reoccurring ear infections. So I pulled out my old January-February 2001 Mothering. My sister was so thankful for the article on ear infections (”Healing Ear Infections”) and alternatives to antibiotics (”Remedies for Earaches”). My mom then borrowed the issue; the front cover of an adoptive mother and her daughter had caught her eye. This issue had an article about breastfeeding your adopted child.

Your magazine comes into my home like a ray of sunshine. It brings hope that there are sentient beings on the planet. Mothering is a beacon guiding parents toward sanity and salvation for the species. Life is always better having read the evocative messages your magazine brings into our homes.
My children attend Woodland Star Charter School in Sonoma, California, a Waldorf public school (free to all) that helped to start six years ago.

I just recently ran for and was elected to our local public school board, Sonoma Valley Unified School District. During my campaigning, I read an editorial that Peggy wrote a while ago but recent y republished (”In Their Hands,” September-October 2004), and I used it in my speeches. It was so helpful because I was running against an incumbent who was twice my age and full of experience. Here is an excerpt from the end of my introduction speech:

“In Mothering magazine, Peggy O’Mara, publisher and editor, writes about new parents: ‘It is our very innocence as parents, our freshness and inexperience, that redeems us. With each new family, nature has another chance. Another chance for happy accidents that can change the course of history. Another chance for amateurs to do something no one else has ever done before. Another chance for genius.’ I feel like being a new trustee would be like being a new parent.”

Thank you so much for providing parents with such an amazing magazine. I also frequent your and have found the discussion forums to be very helpful. It’s like having an entire community of compassionate, educated mamas right at my fingertips. My family and I are planning a move across country soon; thanks to your website, I have been able to reach Mothering mamas in the area where we are headed. MICHELE CASSIDY Flagstaff, Arizona I read every issue cover to cover. I find the dissenting opinions in “Your Letters” refreshing. I find “A Quiet Place” inspiring. Mothering constitutes a vital link in my support network for raising a child with consciousness. If my community were a quilt, Mothering would be a prominent, colorful square.

The recent special pregnancy issue (September-October 2005) is an especially fine production. The look and style of it remind me of some of the slick (and, unfortunately, often shallow) publications made available to me in my OB office, while the content is terrific. This combination may draw in an otherwise unknowing reader. My husband, for example, was really taken with the articles on cosleeping and circumcision. Thanks for providing the public with a substantial, thoughtful publication that provides an alternative to so much of the substanceless, anxiety-producing, advertising-ridden trash that is put before parents.

When my son was 15 months old, my milk dried up because I was pregnant with his sister. He kept suckling, but only every once in a while. He just loved the “num nums.” Then, toward the end of the pregnancy, the colostrum started to come in, and he loved it. After his sister arrived, he was very excited to meet her. But as soon as he saw her nursing, he sat back and gave her the biggest “stink eye” I have ever seen. I never thought that I would tandem nurse, but I knew I could. So I lifted up the other side of my shirt and asked him if he wanted some “num nums,” too. Relieved, this huge smile came to his face, and he jumped right up and joined her. From that moment on, he was the sweetest brother to her. I often wonder if he would have been jealous if I had not made that split-second decision to tandem nurse.Last night I had a strange dream about a “mothers’ habitat”–a place where any woman or mother in the US could go as a safe haven, for a day or for a year. It was set in a huge, green park, with lots of trees. Sometimes trouble would start when men wanted to come and “help out.” When I woke up, I thought, “What if there really were a place like that?” It would just be something that every girl grew up knowing about. Each year every woman would give a couple of dollars to keep the place going. Then I thought, “Yeah, but who in the world could we possibly trust with all that money? Certainly not a politician.” It came to me: Peggy O’Mara. I don’t always agree with her, but I certainly would trust her to do what is honest and what is best for women and families.

Playing relationship games isn’t always a bad thing

Probably because more people get married this month than any other time of the year, June has come to symbolize the purity and innocence of new love. But the following story, excerpted from Why Do Fools Fall in Love (Jossey-Bass, 2001), turns the prism and gives us a new perspective on love. It’s proof that even long after the honeymoon is over, love doesn’t have to grow stale; it can deepen into something so meaningful that nothing can transcend it.

My grandparents, who were married for more than half a century, played a special game their entire lives. The game was simple: one person would write the word SHMILY in a surprise place for the other to find and as soon as it was discovered, it became that person’s turn to hide the word in a new place. They finger-painted it in the sugar and flour containers to await the preparation of the next meal. They smeared it in the dew on the windows overlooking the patio, where my grandma always fed us warm, home-made pudding. SHMILY was written in the steam left on the mirror after a hot shower, where it would reappear, time after time. At one point, my grandmother unrolled, and then re-rolled, an entire roll of toilet paper to leave SHMILY on the last sheet.

These two had love down pat. With them, love was more than a flirtatious little game; it was a way of life. Their relationship was based on a devotion and passionate affection that few are lucky enough to experience. Grandma and Grandpa held hands every chance they could. They stole kisses as they bumped into each other on their way to the kitchen. They finished each other’s sentences and shared the daily crossword puzzle and word jumble. My grandma whispered to me about how cute my grandpa was, how handsome and old he had grown to be. She liked to tell me that she really knew “how to pick ‘em.” Before every meal they bowed their heads and gave thanks, marveling at their blessings: a wonderful family, good fortune, each other.

What’s the big deal? All you read on the internet is spam, spam, spam. Spam protection this, spam protection that. Oh my God! Be careful don’t let any one see your SACRED email address! I read they even put a spammer in jail. What kind of a barbaric country would do that? Now I am not a spammer. I don’t know how to send spam. If I did I would!

I am not afraid of placing my email address to the ends of the earth. I look forward to my spam everyday! If spam comes that I have no interest in. You know what…I HAVE GOT a DELETE button all free provided by Yahoo! And it works perfect!!!

However, I am getting very annoyed with Yahoo.

Why?

Because I hold the World’s Record of the most girlfriends of any man on the planet. Needless to say I can’t see every girl every day. So I email them my Casanova love letters! When I try to send my love letters to my darlings. I usually send 50 at a time. That’s all my old computer can stand. Yahoo puts characters in my face before I can send letters to my girlfriends. Add insult to injury now Yahoo says I can only send 50 emails per hour. Put your calculator to work and see how many hours it will take me to send my dolls a love letter, after all, I have over 1000 active 18 to 22 year old dream girlfriends and I am 55 years old man! And believe me my girls are waiting by their computers for my romantic love letters!

I am looking for a sidekick who loves girls. Preferably a rich buddy who loves girls. As I am running low on cash. Who would’nt with over 1000 girls!!! Any great spammers out there who know how to spam. Maybe you can help me find my rich sidekick who loves girls! Let’s spam him!

Does the thought of writing a love letter or poem automatically reduce your vocabulary to a 5-year-old’s level? Well, believe it or not, that’s a great place to begin!

Kids speak straight from the heart. They don’t worry about tripping over the right words, they only know how to say what they want using the most simple language. As adults, we let our thinking get in the way of our emotions and worry about the details before we have the big picture.

Dream up a love letter
You don’t need a sample love letter or a free printable love letter. You’re going to dream up your own romantic love letters.

An indispensible tool for writing is a thesaurus. You’ll find many free ones online; they’re a wonderful aid to finding exactly the right word. Have paper and pen ready to jot notes, but forget about words and writing for now.

Sit in a comfortable chair or lie down, let your shoulders drop and take a few deep breaths, at least 5 or 6. Inhale deeply, feel the air going to the bottom of your belly, then slowly exhale as you pull in your abdomen.

Close your eyes and begin visualizing the one you love and create a movie of you slowly running your eyes over every inch of their body. What do you especially appreciate? View their eyes looking back at you, run your fingers through their hair, caress their cheek and softly brush your lips against theirs. See the smile of joy, the tilt of their head towards you, their arms around you. Feel their heart beat against yours and take in the warmth of their skin. Watch as they run towards you, eager to rush into your arms. How do you feel?

Let your movie continue running. Pull out the memories of when you had a lot of fun and laughter, your most passionate times together or when you were sad and your love silently held you close. What do you see, hear, taste, touch and feel? What are they wearing . . . or not wearing?

Linger a little longer; let the feelings run throughout your entire body. Are you getting little tingles running up and down your spine?

First love letter steps
The most emotional memories are the ones that will fuel your love letter or poem. You should be in a better mood for writing, relaxed and smiling. Take a few more deep breaths before you begin to write.

You don’t have to get up; this might put you into “thinking” mode. Begin jotting notes down. Slowly replay each movie and describe the scenes with short, simple phrases, as a child would. Later on, you can link these shorter phrases into longer ones, but for now, you want to capture all the sensations, physically and emotionally, that being with the one you love means to you.

Love and emotions are abstract concepts so you need “furniture” to make it real. Your movie gives you this material. Relate the juicy details of the surrounding scenery, your love, what all your senses experience and add them to your love letter.

Now put it all together.

Instead of “When you walk into a room and smile at me, I forget what I’m thinking,” add the furniture. “You quietly glide into the sunlight streaming through the window, your silky hair falls over your shoulder. And then you gently tilt your head towards me and flash me that quirky little half smile of yours that gets my heart beating faster, my lips tingling . . . and I forget everything I ever knew as our eyes meet and lock into an embrace.”

No fancy words, there’s only two words that have three syllables!

The “Laundry List” technique
If you find this difficult to do, the “laundry list” technique might work for you. Simply list all the qualities you appreciate about your love: physical, emotional, gestures, favorite sayings, funny habits. For physical, start at the top of their head and work down to their toes. For emotional, list different situations and how their response makes you feel.

Or you could make a list of all the dreams you both have and how you want to be together to share them.

Find a clip art heart (usually available in a word processing program) and use it as a bullet before each item in your list. Or give it a number, “101 Ways I Love You.” Then print out your list on fancy paper. Add a photo of you both, either digitally or glue it on afterwards. Spray on a little cologne (at a distance) and, voila, you have a romantic love letter.

Love Poems
A love poem can be the most daunting to attempt and many won’t even try. If you really want to make up a poem, but feel you have no talent, cheat a little! Look up a favorite poem and see if you can change a few lines to personalize it. Or do the same with a favorite song lyric, then perform it karaoke style. Go all out and dress up for the occasion.

If you have a special occasion you’re celebrating, you may want to have a poet put your feelings into a formal poem for you. Reciting the poem will make a bigger impact than just handing it over and as it may be gift wrapped, make sure you have a copy to read aloud.

Once you get the hang of it, love letters will flow from your heart and fingers. Remember the little kid in you and keep it simple.

* Be in a good mood when writing a love letter. Never try to write a love letter when you’re in a bad mood, not only will it be more difficult to write but your bad vibes will make their way into the letter.

* Write a love letter anytime. Don’t wait for a special occasion to write one. Anytime you want to spice up your relationship is a great time for a love letter.

* Your love letter should look appealing. Fountain pens look nicer than ball point pens. Plain paper is fine, but try to choose a better grade of paper stay away from lined paper or paper with lots of designs printed on it.

* Think about why you’re writing. Do you want to say you had a good time, are you asking for a date, are you expressing your affection, do you want to know how they feel about you or do you want to say I miss you?

* Always hand write your love letter even if your writing is sloppy. Never type it unless your handwriting is truly illegible. Don’t underline or write any words in all caps; it’s like yelling.

* Only say what you really mean. Don’t make promises you can’t keep and don’t write anything you may regret later. Once the letter leaves your hands there is no guarantee it will stay private.

* A one page love letter is great. Love letters aren’t meant to be long. As you get more comfortable, your letters may get a little longer but don’t write a book.

* If you’re writing an erotic lover letter, talk about yourself as well. If you wish to arouse you can write about how hot, wet, positions and lingerie.

* Re-read your love letter to make sure it says what you mean. You may want to write a rough draft first.

* Use a thesaurus to find unique words for your love letter, such as:

~ Openers – Dear, Dearest, My Love, Dearest Love, My Beloved, My Sweetheart, My Darling, My Sweet, Darling

~ Middle – cherish, idolize, embrace, hold dear, adore, caress, desire, fondle, fascinate, passion, smitten, enchanted, captivated, treasure, stroking, touch, infatuated, precious

~ Endings – yours sincerely, with love, all my love, truly yours, love, till we meet again, your new friend

Let’s talk about writing love letters.

Not candy coated pap. Not romance novel fantasy crap. Not “chick” stuff.

Real love letters.

Years ago I asked my first coach if he would write an endorsement for me. This is what Drew Rozell wrote:

“Laura is truth. Laura is love.”

Whoa.

That was a lot for me to take in. I mean, substitute your own name up there and sit with it for a while. It’s a lot to live up to.

So, I wasn’t sure the world wanted truth and love. And I wasn’t all that sure that I wanted to lay my heart out to you like that. So I splashed in those fun waves where no one has to worry about drowning, (like teaching folks how to write websites, identify their niche markets, brand their businesses, or organize their time, and get some balance in life…)

And then someone asked me a few months ago, if I could teach her to watch ants.
Not increase profits, or get more stuff, or be more famous or popular or powerful.

To watch ants.

And my heart started to perk up … was this permission to go THERE?!

And then one of the dearest people I know lost her husband.

She is my age, 42. It is not for me to share her story here but I will tell you it was sudden.

It was a 4 a.m. knock at the door.

It was “No we can’t let you look at him.”

It makes me cry even as I type this.

So, I was sitting across from my own husband the other night. We haven’t missed a dinner together in months now, no matter how late we work or how late we eat. We know a wake up call when we hear one.

We were sitting there and I shared how my friend was doing and he took a bite of his food. The food was excellent. The kind that makes you close your eyes and turns off every other sense. And then his eyes welled up and he talked about the tsunami and all those kids who have been devastated with losses of their parents. Scott works in pediatric rehab and they have had a rough year. Several deaths and stories that have become increasingly tragic.

And his tears were of gratitude and humility. That we are alive. That we have each other. That we could sit and have an amazing meal.

We don’t deserve it. Let me go on record saying that I don’t think anyone deserves a damn thing. I don’t, you don’t. I think the word “deserve” is one of the most destructive forces on the planet but this is not the place for me to go off on THAT little tangent.

In the middle of Scott’s expressing his appreciation and his love for me I could feel he was SO present and I had this flash. For a moment I thought, “Oh my God, he’s going to tell me he’s dying.” I was wrong. I didn’t get any bad news. But, you know something? One day one of us, if we are lucky enough to have advance notice, will have to do just that. And we are going to have to figure out how to say good-bye.

Jack Kornfield, in one of my favorite books, A Path with Heart, shares a spiritual exercise in which we are to perceive everyone in the world as an Enlightened Being, a Buddha if you will. Yes,even the guy who cut you off in traffic, and your mother-in-law, your evil boss (oops, you ARE the evil boss? sorry)…everyone. And they all “get it” and we are the only ones who don’t. Our job is to figure out what they are trying to teach us.

I’ve seen a whole lot of death around me the past few years.

And I know a lot more is coming.

Everyone who is dying is teaching me that loving someone means you get the whole package. When you marry someone, or develop a true friendship with someone you are agreeing to go the distance. THE distance.

As Paul Simon would say, in his most excellent CD on relationships, You’re The One, “Ask somebody to love you, it takes a lot of nerve.”

No kidding.

When we accept someone in to our hearts, regardless of the relationship, we aren’t just saying, “Will you share my life with me?” We are saying, “Will you share my life with me and love me knowing full well that you will have to let me go one day? Can you go THE distance with me?”

And while I have been letting myself stand in the reality of this fact, I have been witnessing a lot that makes me want to grab people and shake them silly.

I see people looking for mates like it is some kind of a job interview. I heard someone express concern about marrying a woman, who he was afraid tended toward anorexia, because he wasn’t sure she was always attractive enough, especially when she didn’t wear make-up.

Before you blow a gasket, let me tell you this is someone that has a really good heart and that I like very much. I know where the pressures are coming from that led him to say this because he has suffered the same kinds of rejection himself. Rational or not, loving or not, I understand that he would be hesitant to make himself even more vulnerable to rejection by being with someone who isn’t perfect. It makes all the sense in the world to me. It’s fear. We all have fears and they make us do and say crazy things. And don’t try to tell me you’ve been immune. I know better. It may show up in how we assess potential mates: What will others think if I am seen with this person? Are they attractive enough? Wealthy enough? Witty enough? Will they represent me well? Is this the perfect ornament for me?

It may show up in how we relate to ourselves.

I was at a Grand Opening of a boutique and several area business people were there. I overheard this exchange:

“What do I do? Well, I make women beautiful.”

“Oh, you must be a plastic surgeon.”

“Why, yes, I am.”

And then I saw woman after woman asking if they need botox yet. No thought as to whether someone shooting botulism into you is a good thing. There was no “if” in that sense. The “if” was simply a question of timing. THIS is what we have to do to be beautiful?!?!?

Again, I see where this comes from. Look in any magazine or television show. Makes sense that everyone feels so insecure.

Can I just say something, though?

For the love of God, people! Snap out of it!!!

Seriously!

Get a grip on the fact that we are human. We get old. We die.

The question is, do you want to spend all your time and money trying to run from reality pretending that somehow you have been granted special immunity from the 4 a.m. knock at your door or hearing really bad news from a loved one or are you willing to wake up and face this square in the eye and NOT SHRINK BACK?

Like I said, I’m not going to get all touchy feely with you here. I have a picture of Samuel L. Jackson looking down on me. I used to have a lovely calligraphy that translated into “Calm”. I took it down. I am not calm. I’m not mindlessly floating around in an illusion. I’m not here to stay comfortable and to preach a little “I’m okay, you’re okay” at you.

Psst…Hey, Laura, I thought you said you were going to write love letters? Um…this doesn’t seem that loving to me…I mean..”

Au contraire, my friend. I’m saying this precisely because I DO love. You see, once you look at someone through eyes that allow you to face their impermanence in your life…once you REALLY get this…you will get very clear very quickly on what being in love with someone really means. It’s not about ornamentation and earning potential. It’s about embracing the fundamental, essential humanity that is common to us. It’s about showing up with no mask on. It is the scariest and most beautiful thing we can ever do.

I’ve given you much to absorb here so I’ll leave you know to pour another cup of tea and maybe you might want to pick up a pen and a paper and just start with this sentence:

“I don’t know how long I will get to be with you, so while I have you here there is something I want you to know about what it means to have you in my life…”

Yesterday, I found this quote scribbled in one of my old note-pads: “With love, nothing else matters; without it, everything else gets on your nerves.”

Every Valentine’s Day, flowers, cards, chocolate candy, and presents abound and love letters are sent between lovers. Widespread symbols are hearts and arrows, flowers especially red roses, cupid, and the color red or pink.

February 14 is the time when birds start mating; therefore, since the olden times, the celebration of romantic love was traced to this day. The earliest date this holiday is found in would have to be in Greek mythology attributing February 14 to the marriage of Zeus and Hera. On Zeus and Hera’s trail, comes Lupercalia or the festival of Faunus, the god of fertility in ancient Rome.

Then, there are several Christian saints named Valentine to whom this celebration of love can be attributed. Most of these St. Valentines were martyred for one reason or another, like the St. Valentine in Rome who aided prisoners or the St. Valentine in Africa. Among the martyrs, the most likely St. Valentine for whom the Valentine’s day was named is the saint who performed soldier weddings, disregarding Emperor Claudius II’s order banning Roman soldiers from marriage.

Without any doubt, celebration of love leaped into the earliest centuries and to the time of Renaissance. The oldest known valentine is a poem written in 1415 by the duke of Orleans to this wife, while he was in prison. It is kept in the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.

Sending love poems, letters, and cards to lovers soon became a fashion. During the 1800’s books of romantic poetry were published for Valentine’s day. From inside those books, young men chose poetry to give to their sweethearts. In the United States, most of all valentines people sent to each other were imported from Europe until 1914 when the American publishers jumped into action.

In our time, celebrating Valentine’s Day custom still exists and flourishes, even if St. Valentine was taken down from sainthood by the Roman Catholic Church. During the latest two decades, celebration of Valentine’s Day has spread to India and China, probably due to these countries’ sudden economic boom.

Accordingly, Valentine’s Day has become the most card-sending time of the year after Christmas, with most of the cards purchased by women. Not only that, elaborate, tasteful, and original artistic card creations have come into existence and are now being offered even on the internet.

Since there is so much ado about it, let’s try to define romantic love. It is said that real love is unconditional. This is such an appealing statement and so idealistic that we wish it were true.

The notion of romantic love, however, is based on the idea of preservation of our species and works better on reciprocal give and take than on one-sided martyrdom. Romantic love is based on a genuine concern for the welfare and happiness of the other partner without giving away from one’s own safety and personal power.

Experiencing truly lasting romantic love takes time, work, and patience. Once the initial attraction and fantasy wears off, sometimes we stumble and doubt our partner and even our own feelings. This is nothing to worry about but a natural outcome of being human. A good and enduring relationship takes time, effort, understanding, and acceptance to cultivate. The idea is not to give up but work attentively at perking up the relationship.

When two people care about each other’s happiness, pleasure of being together becomes delightful and healthy. Genuine praise, little loving gestures, kind words, and true caring enhances such a relationship greatly and that’s what makes the celebration of Valentine’s day or the celebration of love so important in our lives.

Love Letters are a Sensuous Mode of Communication

A love letter to a sweetheart speaks more directly to the heart than any other form of writing. Words chosen for their emotional overtones feel like poetry. They spin a web of attraction that arouses and entices the senses.

“Sensuous” is often used as a synonym for sexy. But it’s more accurate definition is “to delight the senses” - all of them. Romance is sensuous because all the senses participate in the experience. A declaration of love that speaks directly to them ignites passion - because that’s how the emotions and senses express approval. Words Take a Back Seat to Feelings for Love Letter Receivers

In face-to-face communication we all “read” each other - the speaker’s gestures, facial expression, confidence, enthusiasm, etc. Any sour note or inconsistency undercuts the credibility of what’s being said. Each of our senses report confirming impressions; or whether something “smells fishy.” When words “ring true,” we’re inclined to trust. Our guard goes down a few notches.

Body language communicates faster and more accurately than words can. WHAT is being said is less important than HOW it’s being said. That’s not fresh news. But most people fail to realize that written words carry hitchhiking messages as well. And a love letter even more so.

Use words that “speak” for the senses: “the smell of your hair”…, “the feeling of the breeze that stirred up the…”. That adds potency and imagery to your declaration.

A Love Letter Says “I Love You” in Multiple Ways

The point of almost all communication (spoken or in writing) is to be logical - to persuade the rational mind. A love letter does quite the opposite - sending its message to the heart.

A love letter is sent only to a particular person, with a desire to strengthen the bond between the sender and receiver. Taking the time and effort to write a heartfelt love letter makes the receiver feel primary - ahead of everything else. It’s very un-naturalness delivers a potent declaration in its own right.

Although sending one is effective during courtship, a love letter is equally desirable for those in long-tem relationships. You really can’t say “I love you” too often, or in too many ways. The trick is in finding creative and fresh ways to say it anew.

Presentation Bolsters the Loving Message

The “message” the receiver gets includes all those impressions that accompany the letter itself. We like to think that we communicate with what we say - the words. But in truth, people trust the other senses more. So deliver the letter in a way that demonstrates such nuances.

Think beyond the letter’s words. Involve the senses in the experience of receiving and reading it. Add sensuousness to your message by creating at total experience - all reinforcing the importance of your relationship.

A unique way to stand out is by sending your love letter by Pixel Post. Your words of love are posted on an online “billboard” of loveletters, as well as on its own web page http://www.worlds-smallest-loveletters.com . The announcement is then sent to the beloved - a private and public declaration of love at the same time. You can be sure your message will stand out and be appreciated. The Body Language of Your Letter “Speaks” to All the Senses

- Vision - Looks good, on high-quality or colored paper. Use a pen and write it with your best penmanship. Edit and recopy if necessary. Emails and word-processed emails flunk the vision test.

- Hearing - The crinkle of the paper is a plus. Suggest they have a particular song playing when they read it, for example.

- Smell - A squirt of your perfume or after-shave in a time honored addition - the receiver senses your presence.

- Touch - Paper choice is important since 30% of the message is received by the fingers, before a word is read. Textured and heavy-weight paper says you’re substantial and credible. Why not put something touchy-feely in the envelope too?

- Combination of them - The whole should be more than the sum of specific sense impressions - their overall effect should say “You’re special!”

Never doubt that a love letter pays off in a relationship in many ways. Keeping that practice alive is a vote for romance.

where r u my love
searching in my heart
plz come out and see me
i want to love u
i cant live without u
the day and the moon has come
and it is ur turn

Every time I think about you.
I am reminded of the reasons
Why i love you from the depth
of my heart and soul.
And I wonder what I’d do
without you,
without your healing smile,
your words of faith,
the caring and sensitive way you touch me,
lifting me,
just when I need it most.
without you,
What would I have?
What would I be?
I can not imagine existing in a world where someone does not
love me the way you do
Your’re the only one whoever
understood and accepted me
for who I am.
And I think you’re nothing short of amazing.
Your love always has been
and always will be,
life’s greatest gift to me.

I miss you more as each day goes by. it has been 4 weeks since you left for a journey overseas to Afghanistan. I think about you constantly and long for the day you come back home. I know you have been exhausted, i can hear it in your voice, but hang in there. I know you will be fine because you have alot of courage for being there right now. I admire your inner strength. I love you and to you i send across the miles… My tender love, my warm embrace, and my most passionate kiss. Love you forever and always.