Online Dating and Love Information Articles

Although it is usually the focus of many a man’s pride the penis is often very much overlooked when it comes to matters of hygiene. It is important for both personal health and for the sake of your sex life you keep your penis clean. So what do you need to do to ensure your personal cleanliness?

The Head of the Penis

If you are not circumcised then you will need to focus on your foreskin. Without proper washing a white substance called smegma will form. Smegma is formed from dead cells, skin oils and moisture. In addition to this combination are the bacteria that love to live in the warm, moist environment of the foreskin. It can cause irritation if it is not washed away.

To clean properly pull back the foreskin as far as it will go. Use lukewarm water rather than hot and don’t be too rough. Also don’t forget to wash the whole of the area including the inside of the foreskin.

Although men who are circumcised do not have to contend with a build up of smegma in their foreskin, they have other problems. The lack of a foreskin means that the glans is not protected from everyday dust, sweat and other kinds of substances that can cause irritation.

Some in the medical profession believe that circumcised penises are more vulnerable to types of bacteria that cause infections of the urinary tract because of the lack of protection from the foreskin. So for health reasons alone keeping your circumcised penis clean is a must.

Of course, of great importance is the need to keep clean down there if you’re hoping to increase your chances of having sex, especially oral sex. Women in particular are sensitive to unpleasant odors that linger on a less than clean penis head.

Keeping the Base of the Penis Clean

The base of the penis is particularly prone to the build up of sweat which is then trapped by the hair. Left unwashed it soon begins to smell strongly. Wash it frequently to get rid of nasty odors and change your underwear daily.

You can improve your hygiene by shaving or clipping the pubic hair especially during summer. It’ll make washing easier if you don’t have a big mat of hair to rinse through. And while you’re at it don’t forget to wash the shaft thoroughly.

Washing Your Testicles

The testicles are extremely good at accumulating sweat and skin oils because of the folds of skin. If you don’t wash thoroughly here the natural musky smell of clean testicles will turn into something unpleasant especially on a hot day. Wash each ball carefully and don’t rub the delicate skin too hard as this could cause inflammation. And remember to dry the area very thoroughly.

Turn Any Argument into “Off the Chart” Make-Up Sex

If you are married, then you’ve probably had an argument or two. It is not only a fact of life, but as we have found, a necessary form of communication. This article is not about “how” to argue. Suffice it to say, you should leave personal attacks, name calling and old business aside. When you “discuss things” at a high level, you should respect a person’s opinion, listen intently and strive to make your point. When things get out of control and your emotions get the best of you, “strong discussions” turn into arguments and both parties generally get very emotional. During my first 15 years of marriage, I avoided arguments, now that I’ve learned to harness the power and energy of female emotions (and wrote a book about it) we actually argue more and have a BETTER relationship!

The chemicals released in our bodies during arguing are the same endorphins and chemicals released when we were cavemen, fighting for our families or for our meal. When people argue, fight, or battle, the body’s reaction is to go into survival mode. Chemicals like adrenaline are released during battle. Adrenaline is one of those chemicals and it has been attributed to giving us superhuman bursts of energy.

Imagine Superman sex.

Now, what if you could channel those same chemicals and endorphins to stimulate the most heightened and stimulating sex imaginable? The secret is ot…you can. Below is a step-by-step guide to harness the power of our bodies, channel the energy (both positive and negative) to create “off the chart” sex with your spouse.

1. Next time you argue, let it go a bit longer than usual. In fact, push your arguing further than you have previously. Carry on a bit longer and insert a few points that are almost ridiculous that you can easily give into if you were not so mad.

(WARNING: DO NOT INSERT ANY PERSONAL ATTACKS. PERSONAL ATTACKS WILL ELIMINATE ANY CHANCE FOR MAKE UP SEX)

2. When of you are at the peak of arguing, take a long dramatic pause and sit very still. Take a moment and let your spouse know that she is right. (Even if she isn’t right, let her win this argument. Your job here is to win the war, not the battle) When you give in, she may not believe you. Remind her that, “yeah, the more I think of it, the more I see your point.” She will gradually melt.

3. Don’t stop there. You must go on and not only concede her point, but go one step further and admit that you were wrong and upon reflection, acted like an ass. This combination of “You were right, dear” along with, “AND, I was wrong” may at first make her suspicious if this is your first time losing a fight. You’ve conceded…stand your ground. You are about to tap into the chemicals released during your argument and turn them into a powerful aphrodisiac.

4. Now that you have conceded the battle, it is time to make amends. You should immediately embrace her, hold her tight and apologize. Make your embrace longer than usual. Wipe away any tears and profess your undying love and devotion to her. You are giving her physical, auditory, and visual stimuli of your love and respect for her. By combining all three modes of communication (auditory, visual, and physical) you will reinforce your point and assure her of your sincerity.

5. Start with a gentle kiss….keep up that embrace. As you slide your hands down her backside, increase the intensity and passion of your kissing. The rest is pretty elementary….you should be preparing her for passionate sex. Her endorphins are elevated and since both your emotions were running high, you are both chemically prepared for love or war. You have just taken a battle and turned it around. Congratulations.

DON’TS:

Do not create a “fake” fight, just to have make up sex. It won’t work.

Do not personally attack her weight, mother, or anything personal. Stick to the point, when arguing.

Do not go to bed angry. Always complete the fight (and the make-up sex) in a single day.

If make up sex doesn’t occur, don’t worry. You’ve still scored huge points for sex later in the week.

DO’S:

Be sincere when you acquiesce. You are wrong ½ the time anyway. Who cares which time this is!

Be very slow and with your advances after the fight. Aggressively diving down her pants won’t work.

Show her as much attention after sex as before. Memories of a few candles and a foot rub last forever.

It is inevitable that our emotions run high every once in a while. Arguing is an inescapable part of a long-term relationship. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t turn a bunch of those arguments into a closer relationship and mind-blowing sex!

Doug Steponin has

There are an amazing variety of sex toys available. Sex toys vary from purely male or purely female sex toys to toys that can be used by both sexes. There are also some sex toys that can also be classified as sex aids or marital aids.

The Purpose Of Sex Toys

Some sex toys aid the man’s erection, stimulate the female genitals to become more sensitive or provide a different feel to ‘normal’ sex. Other sex toys provide an ‘environment’ for variations in sex, for example so called orgy bed sheets. Sometimes they are used to help a person who has difficulty with unaided sex to achieve sexual satisfaction. However most sex toys provide a new way to directly stimulate the male or female genitals to achieve sexual satisfaction.

Using sex toys can provide new experiences and variation in the sexual experience. It can also provide a fantasy element for enhancing or revitalising a relationship.

The usual expectation is that a sex toy provides direct stimulation of the genitals in foreplay and/or during sexual intercourse or as a means to obtain orgasm through only the stimulation provided by the sex toy.

Types of Sex Toys

Vibrating Sex Toys

Probably the most well known sex toys are ‘vibrators’ which, as the name suggests, provide stimulation of the genitals using vibration. They are mainly used to stimulate the clitoris, but may also be used to stimulate any other part of the female body or that of a man’s.

The simplest of these are pencil or wand shaped (though normally thicker than a pencil). A good example is the Ceramitex vibrator. They often have an internal battery (or two) which powers a small electric motor. Sometimes the battery pack and controller are external and connected to the vibrator by a wire. This motor is fitted with a small, out of balance, weight attached to the shaft. As this weight rotates it throws the motor and vibrator into a small circular movement which causes the vibration you feel.

With a vibrator that has a controller, as the power is increased the speed of the motor increases and with it both the rate and strength of vibration. Both the strength and rate of vibration effects how stimulating you find the sex toy. The best effect may not be as strong and as fast as possible. The optimum settings may well change as your degree of excitement builds. To get the best results it is worth buying a vibrator which is controllable.

Different vibrators will have different characteristics and you may well find you prefer one combination much more than another and your preference may even vary depending on which part of your body you are stimulating.

More recently electronic vibrator controllers have appeared which provide not only the static control of power/speed but also allow you to select patterns of power pulses and surges. These can be very effective.

There are also other vibrating sex toys such as butterfly stimulators and vibrating penis rings.

Other Powered Sex Toys

There are some sex toys that use other ways to provide mechanical stimulation. These usually depend on a motor that makes the sex toy continually change its shape which provides a sort of rotational movement or makes it move back and forth. The back and forth movements are sometimes powered by an air pump rather than a motor. The movements have been used to create, for example, mechanical licking tongues, vibrators that ‘penetrate’ the vagina and mouth simulators to give a man a ‘blow job’.

On a bigger scale and much more expensive, there are ’sex machines’ that incorporate thrusting and vibrating dildos.

Combination Sex Toys

So far we have covered vibrating, moving and thrusting sex toys. As you may have guessed these are all offered in a bewildering array of combinations.

A common combination in many ‘Rabbit Style’ vibrators is clitoral stimulation using vibrations and vaginal stimulation using movement and sometimes a thrusting motion as well. An excellent example of these is the Hitech Crystal Fantasy vibrator.

Many sex toys add varying textures to their surfaces; a dildo or vibrator may have ridges or soft spikes or a rippled shape.

Sensation Change Sex Toys

Some sex toys rather than provide vibrating or moving stimulation, change the feel of sex.

For instance there are a variety of sleeves to put over the penis to provide different sensations for both partners while engaged in penetrative sex.

There are rings that squeeze the base of the penis and/or tighten the scrotum that assist the man’s erection and also changes his sensations. There are penis extenders and thickeners which may give a man’s partner greater sensations during penetration.

There are a wide variety of lubricants that can significantly change the feel of sex.

There are PVC and Polyurethane bed sheets that are water and oil proof that can be used for slippery or messy sex.

Why Use A Sex Toy?

A good question is: why do people use a sex toy? Surely fingers, tongues, penises, clitorises and vaginas etc all provide great sexual stimulation and enjoyment.

Well, apart from therapeutic uses (eg erection assistance), sex toys can drive the imagination (being taken by a machine), provide variety (new ways to do old things), vary the stimulating effects in otherwise normal sex (penis sleeves) and some can provide experiences not possible with ‘normal body parts’ (particularly vibrating sex toys and electro-stimulation).

Where To Start

If you have not tried a sex toy before and don’t yet have an idea of what you might like, try one of the simpler vibrators first. Most probably you will enjoy the experience and then start to wonder what other delights can be found with more sophisticated vibrators and other sex toys …

If you then find you do enjoy sex toys try out a few others and find what suits you. Above all, have fun trying them out!

Is there ever such a thing as “No Strings Attached?” Can a friendship between two people withstand casual sex? Or is that just an idealistic concept?

One night stands aren’t as in as they used to be. Now lovers are coupling up for more long term sex. It’s called “Friends with Benefits”. They get all the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. They start out as friends. They enjoy each other’s company and then one night start sleeping together.

They don’t date. It’s not a traditional “significant other” type relationship. In many cases, the other friends don’t even know about their sex on the side. It’s set up as a mutual gratification, friends helping friends arrangement.

What most Friends with Benefits fail to do is set up the rules. It generally starts out as either happenstance or perhaps a small dialog exchange, “I don’t have anyone, you don’t either, so let’s do it, no strings attached. What do you think?” It all sounds well in good; at least initially when both are hornier than a unicorn. But can friends who sleep together remain friends once it ends? Or is the start of mutual sex the start of the end of their friendship?

Sex creates a bond, no matter how discussed up front it is. Someone always gets hurt in the end of a no strings attached, Friends with Benefits arrangement. Booty Calls always start out with mutual orgasms as the sole purpose. Yet when two people share that kind of closeness, and if it’s a recurring buddy booty call, then they spend time together. Someone is doing something very intimate with and to the other. Who isn’t always appreciative of a good orgasm?

One or both may know that they don’t want a commitment and that’s why the No Strings Attached agreement was conceived. But when the “ooh baby, ya that feels so good, I love what you do to me” occurs regularly, how can they NOT start to feel something for the other? One person will inevitably feel a stronger emotional bond than the other; it’s not male/female bias. One will still only love the physical benefits and the other will enjoy the great sex so much that they get attached, even though they weren’t looking for any relationship.

Or perhaps one person may have always been secretly attracted to the friend and knew the other didn’t want a relationship, yet figured a Friends with Benefits arrangement was better than nothing. Hence they verbally agreed to the arrangement but emotionally they were already hooked.

Develop some rules before entering into any such arrangement. Consider these suggestions: No going out with each other unless it’s in a group situation or you know the night will end in sex, therefore the outing is part of foreplay, no public affection, no gifts and any other boundaries you want to instill. Before it starts, decide how it will end. If starting out as friends, the goal is to end as friends. If new love interests were previously discussed among friends, shouldn’t those types of conversations still be allowed?

I’LL START TOMORROW (WELL, MAYBE THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW)

Are you one of those people who seem very comfortable with self-defeating acts in the moment? But later, when the moment has passed, do you hate yourself for behaving that way? Do you know anyone (including yourself) who indulges a passion for desserts no matter what the cost? Do you wonder why his or her (or your?) sense of regret doesn’t lead to different eating choices the next time? Do you (or anyone you know) distract yourself from important tasks such as schoolwork or a job by partying, watching TV, daydreaming, and so on, and then justify it to yourself or others? It may feel great at the time, but the remorse that inevitably follows is like that killer hangover that also fails to motivate constructive changes. When you promise yourself to do better the next time—as you do when you say “I’ll start my diet next week” and you still fail to follow through—you’re left with a strong sense of betrayal, remorse, and guilt for having failed . . . yet again.

ARE YOUR FANTASIES A SUBSTITUTE FOR REAL SATISFACTION?

Are your fantasies the major source of your happiness? Think about your weight fantasies, your relationship fantasies, your sex fantasies, your fantasies about power, parenting, money, and success. If you want to make your fantasies become realities, you need to change. Pick your dream. Go ahead. Is it a dream of being powerful, admired, creative, great in bed, wealthy, the world’s best parent? We all have dreams—nothing wrong with that and nothing too surprising either. What is surprising is how often these dreams remain out of reach to us despite our great desire to achieve them and despite knowing that our happiness depends on fulfilling them.

LOVE, SEX, AND ROMANCE, OR WHY YOU CAN’T GET NO SATISFACTION

Remember your fantasies about acquiring great sexual power, appeal, and success like movie stars? Remember your dreams of great everlasting love from the protagonists of romance novels? As adults, if these fantasies don’t become transformed into realistic life satisfactions, it’s a sign of serious underlying conflicts. Does that mean that perfect beauty and/or a buff physique are necessary for happiness? No. We all probably know people who are average in looks but very powerful in sex appeal. And there are those who are well endowed with looks but are inept at romance and love. The important question is, how and why do we fall short, and why is it so difficult to change?

Here are some common signs of underlying trouble. You’re great at seducing someone, but run the other way as soon as he or she falls in love with you. You lose interest in sex with a willing, attractive, and sexy partner, yet there was no such problem in the beginning of the relationships. You need pornography, or fantasies with someone else, or fantasies of your partner having sex with someone else, in order to get aroused. You need a good fight with your spouse as a prelude to sex. If you notice that any of these issues apply to you, you’ll soon learn what’s behind these patterns, and how to use that information to overcome them.

SEXUAL AFFAIRS, OR NEVER GETTING TOO INVOLVED WITH ONE PERSON

What do you think motivates someone to have affairs when it can be so completely detrimental to one’s well being? You may say that the person who is engaging in the affair feels excited, or is having a great adventure, but in fact the behavior is usually truly self-destructive. The chapter “Why Can’t I Fall in Love or Stay in Love” will explain why so many people have affairs instead of serious long-term relationships.

ANOTHER BAD RELATIONSHIP, OR WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN?

For many of us, it’s hard to understand the motivation of people who complain about partners who mistreat them but don’t stand up for themselves and/or leave. You yourself may notice that you have an ability to attract a desirable partner, but then become critical of him or her.
Why, you wonder, do you (or others) choose partners with qualities that seem so mismatched with your (their) own? What do you make of the shy person married to a domineering person? Ever wonder how you’d be affected if you needed to have everything in its place but were married to a disorganized slob? Why make that choice in the first place?

As you read on and start recognizing a few simple principles, you’ll find that it’s becoming much easier to figure out the choices you and others make.

WHEN SUCCESS AND MONEY ELUDE YOU, OR I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER

Failure to achieve success, to make their ambitions come true, is a major source of distress for a lot of people. Does career or school success elude you completely, or do you undermine yourself after you achieve success at work or school?

Perhaps you dropped out of school even though you wanted to be someone? Maybe you’re a perennial student who’s afraid to graduate into the real work world? Or maybe you can’t reach your professional goals despite having talent to spare and opportunities waiting? So what’s the problem? Is it possible that your problems with success revolve around money? Many people habitually lose money when investing, even though they have years of experience in the market and have read everything on the subject. Do you have similar problems with money and success?

Have you ever noticed that after accomplishing academic, career, or financial goals, some people become increasingly anxious or depressed? Have you ever seen someone avoid taking credit for the successful outcome of a big project while attributing the success to others or to simple “good luck”? Do you find it ironic that the happiness normally associated with personal achievement is replaced by worry, unhappiness, or excessive modesty? Sometimes problems with success and money are really about the following two issues, best summed up as: Why Am I Such a Wimp? And I’m a Worthless Nobody. Let’s tackle the Wimp issue first.

WHY AM I SUCH A WIMP, OR A LACK OF ASSERTIVENESS AND POWER

Think of the word “power.” What comes to mind? Is it a picture of an influential person who realizes his or her goals, leads organizations, garners respect, and gains admiration? Why is it that for some people, personal power seems to fail them at every turn of their lives? A lack of personal power doesn’t just show up at work or at home, it rears its head in the most unexpected places, too.

When you’re susceptible to sales people who want you to buy products that you don’t really want and definitely don’t need, your lack of personal power is showing. When you can’t turn down requests for money, or conversely, you say no to any and all requests and suggestions—oops, it’s your lack of personal power again. How do you explain people who always act self-sacrificing and can’t help but put others’ needs first? Yes, you’ve got it, it’s that pesky lack of personal power. Now let’s go on and see about this “worthless nobody.”

WHY AM I A WORTHLESS NOBODY?

Many people are plagued by negative behaviors and thoughts that affect their ability to be liked and to feel good about themselves. Does this sound familiar—you can’t accept a compliment, and you’re unable to let yourself be the center of attention? Then there are people who criticize themselves excessively. Ever encountered thoughts like this in yourself? “I’m a baby.” (For “baby” you can substitute words like “no good,” “lazy,” “stupid,” and a whole host of others.) Once you have the word in your head, is it hard to get it out of your head? If so, you can consider yourself to be a member of the “Worthless Nobody Club.” Not one you probably want to be a member of, and one that we’ll deal with in greater detail later. When we do, you may find ways to resign your membership from the club and move on.

ARE YOUR LITTLE ANGELS LITTLE DEVILS IN DISGUISE?

Anyone who has raised children knows how often you can be blindsided by their unexpected behaviors, behaviors that provoke you and are difficult for you to deal with. Some of these exasperating actions are normal parts of a child’s early development, like acting cooperatively, then immediately afterward refusing to do what you want, or like getting very close to you, only to reject you one minute later for the other parent, and like turning to you for comfort, love, and advice, then ignoring you.

If you are overly sensitive to any of these behaviors, and react by acting hurt or threatened, it will cause your children to behave in more extreme and more provoking ways. Chapter 16, “I’ve Become My Mother/Father and My Child Is a Pain,” addresses the question, Why do some of these patterns become increasingly rigid and unyielding as some children get older (especially during adolescence)? Why does this happen no matter how frustrated, angry, pleading, or cajoling you become, no matter how many rewards you promise? You find yourself wondering “What’s gotten into them?” as if they’ve become possessed by the devil, or as if one of the plagues sent down on the Pharaoh was visited upon you instead.

The key to overcoming these problems is to understand which one of your behaviors (hidden from your awareness) is responsible for the behavior that you can’t stand in your child. This book will help you identify which of your words and your deeds are responsible, and then will show you how to use this information to help them get on track.

THE NEW SEE FOOD DIET, OR EATING EVERYTHING YOU SEE

Everyone who has had a weight problem at some time in his or her life can appreciate how difficult it can be to keep under control. In spite of the abundance of diets that prevail, a large number of people continue to overeat and hate themselves for it. If this is the case, then clearly there must be some hidden self-defeating motivations that are responsible for the compulsive habit of overeating in spite of “best intentions.” In the chapter “Why Am I Fat and Why Can’t I Lose Weight?” I’ll describe the six underlying reasons for this. If this is one of your own problems, reading on will help you discover which motive applies to you.

WHY CAN’T YOU GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, OR SO YOU THINK YOU LEFT HOME?

Why does behavior we hate that originates in childhood continue far into adult life when we’re not even living with our family? If we’re no long under the influence of our parents or our siblings, why are we still controlled by the self-defeating beliefs that have their roots with them? Later in this book, I’ll show you a chart called “How You Create New Moral Codes to Live By” and you’ll understand how you create new moral codes for yourself. The codes or rules are all based on experiences you had while dealing with your parents’ and/or your siblings’ flaws.

You don’t have to be a movie star look-alike to sizzle and dazzle the opposite sex. All you need is a genuine sweet looking smile plus a few irresistible flirting tips.

1. For women, we preen or groom ourselves subconsciously when we are attracted to someone – by smoothing down our hair or clothes, checking our lipstick, or straightening a tie. Combine your grooming gesture with a smile and a gaze. You can also toss your hair to one side – a combination 1-2 punch of preening and a flash of neck.

2. A genuine, friendly smile is you’re most powerful. Behavior experts agree that a smile makes you more attractive and approachable. Guys, if a woman lock eyes and smiles with you three or more times in an evening, you have been given an unmistakably clear signal that she’s interested. Make your move, if you don’t, somebody else will.

3. Gaze the eyes with the person you’re flirting with for a full five to six seconds, smile and then drop your fix. Do this at least three times in a ten to fifteen-minute period. Your target needs to know you are flirting with him; making eye contact is a universal signal of openness.

4. One of the more successful flirting techniques a woman can employ is to expose her neck. A head tilt, the classic hair flip, or the over-the-shoulder glance attracts men’s attention, exposes your neck, and gives you the opportunity to lock eyes. The over-the-shoulder move is extra-effective because it’s sexy and sends a signal to your target that they are worth a second look.

5. Members of both sexes are subconsciously attracted to red, moist lips because they signal youth, sex and fertility. Red also increases a man’s heart rate. How to capitalize on it? Wearing a red lipstick gives women’s lips not only a youthful color but also a more obvious smile and whiter teeth. Using a super-shiny lip gloss makes your lips look moist and kissable. Men or women should lick their lips subtly (you don’t want to look like you’re trying out for a porno flick) or bite the lower lip – both are extremely effective flirting behaviors.

6. Men should stand tall with the shoulders pulled back and squared; women are biologically attracted to more dominant men. Feel free to take up some space.

7. For women, crossing and uncrossing their legs is a surefire flirting technique, especially if you’re wearing high heels. A woman crossing her legs appears seductive to men and it makes them desire to see more. Slipping the heel out of your shoe and dangling it on your toes is another trick. The arch of a foot sends a sexual message and mimics a woman’s curves, and makes a man’s heart race.

8. Once you and your flirting target start talking, the next step is to intensify the attraction. How? Smile and maintain eye contact, focus all of your attention on what they say. No one is more attractive than someone who gives you an undivided attention. Employ the nod and head tilt techniques. Smiling and laughing are crucial at this point – it the quickly puts the other person at ease. Making low-level contact by brushing the shoulder or elbow is another effective flirting technique.

9. People mirror each other’s body language – gestures, voice volume, posture, etc when they are attracted. Very subtly mirror your flirting target’s behavior – if she leans forward, lean forward; if he scratches his head, scratch your head. When you mirror someone’s behavior, they’ll begin to feel, think and believe as though the two of you are connected.

Men’s flirting styles go a little further, they demonstrate their social status with moves that may include flashing cash, talking about their occupations, cars, and other toys for the big boys aside from the signs mentioned above.

Look for the signs above, especially extended eye contact, low-level touching, laughing, and you will surely know that a woman is flirting with you.

The sex secrets of the Stasi, the old East German secret service, might finally be getting an airing along with details of the relations between the Stasi and West German media figures. The Gauck Authority, the agency overseeing the Stasi files and the tightly controlled release of their contents, has been trying to block publication of a book by Hubertus Knabe, a historian who used to work in its “closed” section. Facing defeat before a Berlin court, where it has claimed that Knabe might have made “improper use of Stasi documents,” the Gauck Authority has now backed off. Knabe can now go ahead, so long as he takes personal legal responsibility for what he publishes, and some of Germany’s best-known journalists are bracing for some embarrassing disclosures. For the public, even more intriguing will be details of the “honey traps” the Stasi used to lure West Germans into embarrassing situations that opened them to Stasi blackmail.

Russia’s version of the state of the union message, to be delivered by President Vladimir Putin on April 3, will signal “a radically liberal course of economic development,” Kremlin sources predict. They say Putin will announce some important privatizations, along with reforms of pensions and the judiciary, and a big shift of defense spending away from the administrative tail to the fighting teeth. The big winner in the Kremlin’s internal battle for Putin’s ear is Economic Development and Trade Minister German Gref, 37. The son of German deportees who were sent to Kazakstan in World War II, Gref was trained as a lawyer, and then got a job in the St. Petersburg government, where he got to know Putin. Gref then ran Putin’s private think-tank, the Center for Strategic Studies, where he drafted the “tough state-free economy” reform plan.

THE SEX secrets of Katarina Witt the poster girl for the kommissars of communist East Germany - are at the centre of a bitter court fight that will be heard next month.

Miss Witt, the Olympic ice skating beauty befriended by the ruling elite of the hardline Soviet satellite, was said to be “overjoyed” at a ruling in favour of former German leader Helmut Kohl.

Mr Kohl, 71, finally convinced a Berlin court that 2,500 pages of tape transcripts gathered by the sinister Stasi secret police during his 16 years in power should not be made accessible to journalists.

The verdict bolstered the case of Miss Witt, who has been fighting her own legal campaign for the last several years to keep her file secret.

Speculation in the German media is that she wants to hide away details of her lovers and intimate history. Stasi spies are known to have hidden cameras in her rooms, taped her conversations and vetted her partners. She is also afraid that some of those closest to her during her years at the top might turn out to have had the dreaded initials IM - unofficial worker, or informer - next to their names. At their height the Stasi had 91,000 informers.

Lawyer Alexander Schmidt said: “The ruling is excellent news for Miss Witt and all other people seeking to keep information stolen by the Stasi from being peddled now. It is tainted, sullied information and it is only right that it is kept hidden away.”

Japanese couples make love in beds shaped like spaceships. Some Italians find mortuaries a turn-on. And almost half the French have been to an orgy. Check out these ideas to give your own sex life some international flavor

Do it anywhere you can!

In JAPAN, entire districts are devoted to “love hotels,” where unmarried couples and illicit lovers go for trysts. For $25 to $80 a night, you might find a bed shaped like a gondola, a spaceship, or a pineapple, and it will likely vibrate or rotate–or both. You also might find a vending machine for sex toys or a small pool with two slides, so you and your lover can whoosh down into each other’s arms.

Strolling the beaches of COLOMBIA at sunset, you’d see couples making love on the sand: “We’re not self-conscious about sex here,” says Juanita, 28, a writer.

In ROMANIA, couples often live with their parents because of a housing shortage. So, when they want privacy, they sometimes resort to a parked car. “Once, my husband and I were caught by a policeman,” reports Irina, 22. “He tried to take me down to the station for booking; he assumed I was a prostitute.”

GO ahead. Admit it. Women, you’ve thrown caution to the wind in the heat of passion and gave in to an obstinate partner’s reluctance to wear a condom.

Or men, you simply took her word that she is free of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and that she has the test results to prove it–just not with her at the moment. Besides, she’s very selective about with whom she sleeps. All of her partners have been educated and, most important, were healthy-looking.

Furthermore, some of you ladies fell for your man’s alternating expressions of shock and awe when you asked if he has ever engaged in homosexual sex. So you apologized. His reward? Sex without a condom as proof of your trust, love and commitment.

These scenarios are not uncommon and include behavior that could lead to your death. So if you’re going to be sexually active, here are some things you should know before having sex, according to statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

* HIV/AIDS was the No. 1 cause of death for African-American women age 25-34 in 2001.

* HIV/AIDS was among the top 3 causes of death for African-American men age 25-54 and among the top 4 causes of death for African-American women age 20-54.

* African-American women are most likely to be infected with HIV as a result of having sex with men.

* The highest rates of STDs are those associated with African-Americans.

* In 2003, African-Americans were 20 times more likely than Whites to have gonorrhea and 5.2 times more likely to have syphilis.

The startling statistics have prompted medical doctors, mental health professionals, religious leaders and other experts to redouble their efforts to educate African-American men and women about safe sex to underscore the peril of unprotected sex. They have begun to urge people to get back to the basics of courtship before leaping into bed. Developing a friendship with your mate can lead to longer, lasting, healthier relationships.

During a courtship, men and women alike will determine whether their partner is honest and forthcoming, which is of the utmost importance when it comes time to talk about STDs. If they are dishonest in their daily dealings, it is likely they will be dishonest with you. Yes, sweat the small stuff, which can represent a pandemic of lies and deceit.

Single people aren’t having good sex like committed couples, including those married. At least that’s what a recent sex survey poll found.

People in relationships, according to a “Primetime Live” survey, are more sexually satisfied than those who are single. The study found that 97 percent of Americans in married or committed relationships are satisfied with their sex life. It also found that 75 percent of those surveyed found marriage more enjoyable than dating.

Could this be true? JET sought answers. A few experts polled agreed, and here are some of the reasons why.

Rev. Dr. Sheron Patterson, senior pastor of St. Paul United Methodist Church in Dallas, says that trust and commitment are foundational for good sex. Women, she observes, crave security and commitment in sexual relationships. That’s often found in “committed” relationships.

‘The primary mistake single people make is having sex seeking commitment and trust,” explains Patterson. “They are actually auditioning to get the person. When you audition, you’re a bit nervous and unsure because you aren’t sure if you’re liked. Once you have the role [commitment],

you feel secure and the anxiety level decreases:’

Continues Patterson, “You’re in bondage auditioning and trying to please. Then afterwards there is the guilt they feel religiously. Those two things keep you from being free”

Patterson, who founded The Love Clinic nine years ago and authored a book by the same title, is encouraging people to move toward marriage through her “Mission Get Married” project. Married for 20 years herself, Patterson believes that couples who marry feel a burden lifted in the bedroom.

“Physically and spiritually there is a transition going from illegal sex (premarital) to legal sex (marriage),” she says. “Marital sex is better because you set aside anxiety and feelings of insecurity. The Bible teaches that sex outside of marriage is sin. When you’re engaged in illegal sex, you feel guilt and separation from God and it causes you not to enjoy it as much. When you get into legal sex, you’re free to enjoy yourself. Single sisters worry about their reputation and being considered a ’slut.’ Society rears men to be sexually active. They are called a ‘player’ or ’stud.’ Women are called ‘whores.’”

I have been married for 22 years to a hardworking yet distant man. He is a great father and a wonderful provider He tries very hard to give me everything–everything but intimacy, even on vacation In the past I have had two or three lovers, each lasting many years. My husband was too busy to notice, I have tried very hard to communicate with him about my needs and desires. He jokes, gives me hoops to jump through (promising sex as a reward) or gets annoyed When we do have sex, it is very goad. We went to counseling once and he was better for a time, then slipped into his old ways. What now?

Figure out what your husband does with his own desires. I hope you regularly express appreciation far everything your husband does contribute; failing to do so, or focusing only on what he is not doing, is a sure way to shut off sexual interest. While speaking up for your own needs is essential in any relationship, so is asking a partner what his needs and preferences are. Is it possible that they’re not the conventional ones, and he has chosen to satisfy them elsewhere? Have you ever considered the possibility that your husband is having an affair? Have you ever asked him if he is satisfied with the level of intimacy you now have? It’s hard to be emotionally intimate when two people are hiding something.

You’re fit–and strong. And when it comes to bedding your girl, you nail it last and hard, just the way she likes it. Problem is, it’s not the way she LOVES it. Learn more about the slow groove and you may just realize what women have known for years–slow sex is better.

WHY SHE LIKES IT SLOW

1 Just because a woman is wet, that doesn’t mean she’s near climax. A good rule of thumb: Take the amount of time you think she needs, and double it. If she’s ready sooner, you’ll know it.

2 Synchronicity is overrated. We girls don’t care when we have an orgasm–as long as we get one. The longer you stimulate us–and the slower you take things–the more likely that becomes.

3 Hell, sex is fun. You rush through the workday and always try to be efficient, but when it comes to play–any kind of play–make it count. She needs the break and pleasure as much as you do.

1 Men need more time to recover from sex than women do. It’s called a “refractory period,” and there’s little you can do to speed it up. Meaning, if you get off quickly, that’s it–end of show.

2 Sex is better than Tylenol. According to Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., a porn star/prostitute turned sex educator, sex promotes the production of pain-reducing compounds called neuropeptides.

3 Two words: stronger orgasms. The slower you take things, and the more times you get close to the edge without going over, the more powerful the release will be when you finally do climax.

SOLD ON THE IDEA? HERE ARE A FEW FOOLPROOF POINTERS FOR LENGTHENING THE TIME OF YOUR LOVEMAKING …

1 Do reps. According to sex therapist Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., the stronger the muscles that control your orgasm are, the longer you’ll last during sex. To strengthen them, contract the muscles you use to step urinating for two seconds and release. Repeat 20-60 times dally.

2 Take deep breaths during sex. Forget reciting baseball stats. If you want to last longer, you need to slow your breathing down when you are close to ejaculating. Focusing on how quickly you inhale and exhale can help you avoid climaxing before you’re ready.

3 While women have just one G spot, men have the equivalent of two: one near the prostate, and one on top of the penis, just below the head. That’s why it’s important to alternate between long and short strokes. You’ll last longer, excite her, and get the extra stimulation you might otherwise have missed banging it like a jackhammer.

This month I a letter from reader in Texas about a “little secret” that has made her sex life with her husband absolutely explosive. (Those Texans know their stuff, let me tell you.)

Last month my husband returned from a business trip in Europe, and he was hotter and hornier than ever before, with more passion than he has had for years. It was incredible. He flat wore me out! And the best part of all–he was having multiple orgasms. I know what you’re thinking … men don’t have multiples, but trust me he was, and his newfound pow! pow! power! stimulated me into the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had. So, before we knew it, we were both basking in the glow Of the best sex Of our lives!We tried tantric stuff in the past, and the results were so-so. But this was something new and exciting, completely out Of the ordinary. I asked my husband what had created such a dramatic change in our lovemaking and he told me he’d finally learned “the ropes.”

On the last night Of his business trip my husband spent an evening dining out with a Swedish nutritionist and his wife of 20 years. The couple was obviously still quite enamored with each other, so my husband asked their secret. The nutritionist told him their sex life was more passionate than ever. Then he pulled a small bottle from his satchel and gave it to my husband. The bottle contained a natural supplement that the nutritionist told my husband would teach him “the ropes” of good sex.

My husband takes the supplement every day. The supply from the nutritionist is about to run out and we desperately want to know how we can find more. Do you know anything about “the ropes,” and can you tell us how we can find it in the States?

Sincerely, Tina C., Ft. Worth, Texas

Tina, and the rest of our readers you are in luck, because it just so happens I do know about “the ropes” and the supplement your husband’s Swedish friend likely shared.

The physical contractions and fluid release during male orgasm can be multiplied and intensified by a product called Ogoplex Pure Extract [TM]. It’s a daily supplement specially formulated to trigger better orgasmic experiences in men. The best part, from a woman’s perspective, is that the motion and experience a man can achieve with Ogoplex Pure Extract can help stimulate our own orgasms, bringing a whole new meaning to the term simultaneous climax!

“I was amazed to discover that many people die each year in antigay attacks…. Bigotry has no place in this great nation…. Please don’t be a part of it.”

–Bob Hope (1903-2003), in a 1988 public service ad for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation that is thought to never have aired, as posted on CommercialCloset.org

“I was disappointed to see how vehemently my colleagues oppose ’same-sax’ unions…. My question is whether they are willing to allow clarinet-saxophone liaisons.”

–Reg. Barnay Frank (D-Mass,), commenting on a July 21 press release from seven of his fellow congresspeople urging support for a constitutional amendment to ban “same-sax” unions

“That’s like asking me, do I support black marriage or white marriage?”

* This case is ultimately about the recognition and protection of human dignity and equality in the context of the social structures available to conjugal couples in Canada.

* Human dignity means that an individual or group feels self-respect and self-worth. It is concerned with physical and psychological integrity and empowerment. Human dignity is harmed by unfair treatment premised upon personal traits or circumstances which do not relate to individual needs, capacities, or merits. It is enhanced by laws which are sensitive to the needs, capacities, and merits of different individuals, taking into account the context underlying their differences. Human dignity is harmed when individuals and groups are marginalized, ignored, or devalued, and is enhanced when laws recognize the full place of all individuals and groups within Canadian society.

* Marriage is, without dispute, one of the most significant forms of personal relationships. For centuries, marriage has been a basic element of social organization in societies around the world. Through the institution of marriage, individuals can publicly express their love and commitment to each other. Through this institution, society publicly recognizes expressions of love and commitment between individuals, granting them respect and legitimacy as a couple. This publicly recognition and sanction of marital relationships reflect society’s approbation of the personal hopes, desires and aspirations that underlie loving, committed conjugal relationships. This can be only enhance an individual’s sense of self-worth and dignity.

* The ability to marry, and to thereby participate in this fundamental societal institution, is something that most Canadians take for granted. Same-sex couples do not; they are denied access to this institution simply on the basis of their sexual orientation.

This summer has been monumental for gay rights. First, on June 17, 2003, the Canadian government indicated acceptance of same-sex marriages when it chose not to appeal an Ontario provincial court decision that allowed gay marriage. British Columbia followed Ontario by legalizing same-sex marriages in the province on July 8. The Canadian government plans to draft legislation to fully legalize same-sex unions soon. On June 26 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in Lawrence v. Texas that states may not outlaw “sexual practices common to a homoexual lifestyle,” striking down a Texas law which had prohibited homosexual acts of oral and anal sex. And now a case to legalize same-sex marriages is pending in the Massachusetts Supreme Court, with a decision expected any day.

Many legal scholars–conservative and liberal alike–believe reconsideration of official government recognition of same-sex marriages is not far behind. Yet in response to these developments, President George W. Bush has come out strongly opposed to the prospect of same-sex marriage. In a July 30 press conference–his first since early March–he stated, “I believe marriage is between a man and a woman, and I believe we ought to codify that one way or the other, and we have lawyers looking at the best way to do that.”

Yet within U.S. history, the concept of marriage has evolved significantly in two other ways: women, traditionally considered the property of their husbands, eventually became full persons in the eyes of the law and gained the right to own property themselves; and antimiscegenation laws, which had prohibited or refused to recognize interracial marriages, were struck down. What seemingly has remained constant–until now–is the definition of marriage as a union between one man and one woman. Yet contrary to even this assumption, at least a handful of states has never limited marriage to unions between a man and a woman, instead defining marriage using gender-neutral language.

The time has come to expand marriage to include same-sex couples. Recent census data reveal that the number of committed same-sex couples in the United States continues to rise, as does the number of same-sex couples raising children. Legal recognition of these relationships is vital to protecting the emotional and economic well-being of these families. Furthermore, legal recognition must be on an equal plane with heterosexual marriage–”separate but equal” is never equal.

Since its founding in 1920 the American Civil Liberties Union, the nation’s leading free speech advocacy group, has taken plenty of hits for defending Americans’ right to differ. That emphatically includes support for gay rights. Among its many gay-friendly activities, the ACLU supports gays in criminal and civil eases (including Lawrence v. Texas, which resulted in the landmark U.S. Supreme Court decision that made gay sex legal).

Few eras in America match this one for suspicion of diversity and hostility toward dissent, and the ACLU has been fighting back with its “Scrapbook for Freedom” campaign, which features individual celebrities addressing civil rights issues of special importance to them.

No doubt in recognition of her success in the long-running sitcom The Nanny, Fran Drescher was originally approached for an ad that would highlight reproductive choice for women. But she had a different concern in mind: same-sex marriage.

After all, Drescher tells The Advocate, “we should already be in the state of mind where we think, Well, of course whoever wants to be married and love each, other and choose someone to be a life mate–it’s really none of our business whether they are the same sex or the opposite sex.”
Drescher wrote her own copy for the ad, which portrays the wisecracking gay icon in distinctly noncomedy mode: “I am not an American who would deny anyone the right to marry the person they love because they’re the same sex. I am an American who supports the right and freedom of every individual to choose their life partner.”

Drescher is one of about 30 celebrities, including Deborah Harry, the Dixie Chicks’ Natalie Maines, Samuel L. Jackson, and Holly Hunter, who agreed to be shot in informal settings to talk about issues that are important to them. Of the nearly three dozen ads that have run online and in magazines as varied as Rolling Stone, The New Yorker and Mother Jones, Drescher’s is the first to deal with same-sex marriage.

“She was very clear about what she wanted,” says advertising executive Andrew Janson regarding Drescher’s ad, which was photographed by her friend Roxanne Lowit. “Within a day of the shoot, there was copy on my desk written by Fran.” Janson, who created the ACLU campaign along with business partner Howard Benenson, likes what Dreseher came up with. “Creatively, it’s dominant; it stands out,” he says.

Riding high on President Bush’s reelection and on decisive victories to ban gay marriage in 11 states, activists in the traditional marriage movement said Nov. 3 they now have a mandate to claim their ultimate prize: an amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

“The American people are now trying whatever democratic means are available to them. This is a dress rehearsal for what is to come. We are going to win,” said Matt Daniels, president of the Washington-based Alliance for Marriage, which authored an ill-fated federal constitutional amendment earlier this year.

Voters approved constitutional amendments traditionally defining marriage in every state where they were on the ballot: Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon and Utah.

Margins ranged from 7 percentage points in Oregon to 36 percentage points in Mississippi.

For gay marriage activists, whose cause gained unprecedented momentum in February with a Massachusetts court decision affirming the right to wed, the returns marked an occasion to pause, caucus and regroup. New York City-based Lambda Legal, which represents plaintiffs in gay issue cases, urged caution in challenging new amendments in court.

“While the picture looks bleak in states where constitutions have been amended,” said an official Lambda Legal statement, “it could be even worse with court rulings upholding those amendments.”

Other gay marriage supporters disagreed. They cited Louisiana, where a state court last month struck down a marriage-related constitutional amendment passed by 78 percent of voters. And they reaffirmed their faith in courts as the proper arena in which to pursue marriage rights.

The Catholic dioceses of Michigan have provided more than half of the $1 million raised thus far to secure voter approval of a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage in the state.According to campaign finance reports filed Oct. 8 by the Citizens for the Protection of Marriage, the dioceses of Detroit, Grand Rapids, Kalamazoo, Saginaw, Lansing, Gaylord and Marquette have contributed $505,000 through Oct. 1 to the effort to pass Proposal 2. All told, the group raised $1,006,909 and spent $552,472.

The Coalition for a Fair Michigan, the group opposing Proposal 2, reported raising $194,815 and spending $154,406. Group officials say they hope to raise $1 million for their campaign to urge a “no” vote.

Proposal 2 says, “The union of one man and one woman in marriage shall be the only agreement recognized as a marriage or similar union for any purpose.”

Opponents of Proposal 2 argue that the term “similar union” would bar future legislatures from providing same-sex couples the legal benefits of marriage through civil unions. Supporters say the reach of Proposal 2 will be decided in the courts.

Parish priests across Michigan were urged to preach in support of Proposal 2 during Masses the weekend of Oct. 8-10. Cardinal Adam Maida, Michigan’s church leader, has also taped an endorsement.

In that message to parishioners, Maida said, “We have an opportunity this fall to make sure that our government does not change the meaning of marriage for us today or our children tomorrow.

“If we change the meaning of marriage, then marriage loses its meaning and the family, the bedrock institution of society, would be jeopardized.”

He does not condemn homosexuality in the message.

The Coalition for a Fair Michigan includes the Michigan State AFL-CIO, the Michigan Education Association and Gov. Jennifer Granholm. Granholm, a Catholic, has also been at odds with the church over her 2003 veto of a bill criminalizing some late-term abortions.

Dana Houle, spokesman for the coalition, said, “At a time when the Catholic church is closing churches and cutting program, spending $500,000 for a ballot proposal is stunning.”

Slavery as a universal institution is gone. The church’s teaching against religious liberty, that error has no rights, is also long gone. Women, still struggling for flail social equality, are no longer silent and subservient to men.

Now, gay marriage has been cleared by the Supreme Court for passage into law by the Canadian Parliament.

The court has basically said that the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms will not permit a “them and us” distinction in law. Prime Minister Paul Martin agreed when he said, “I do not believe you can have two classes of citizens.” All people are equal under the law, even for marriage.

What is interesting about the Court opinion announced on Dec. 9 is that it recognizes that as society changes so must its laws. It acknowledged that an expansion of rights,, in this case the right for gays to marry, does not diminish existing marriage rights. It makes these rights more inclusive. But nobody is kidding anyone that the Canadian bishops will accept gay marriage.

The bishops have failed to keep abreast of what social and biological science–indeed, the whole medical establishment–teaches about sexual orientation. Cardinal Newman, the 19th century scholar, praised the evolution of doctrine. However, our bishops in the 21st century continue to teach, along with the pope, the unscientific idea that sexual identity is a chosen lifestyle, which places families and children at risk. I simply don’t think the bishops “get” it.

Centuries ago, it must have been embarrassing and humiliating for slaves to have to declare that they were human beings. Yet, all human rights are grounded in this simple, obvious fact. We are all equal and share the same equality rights because we are human beings. This is the holy ground of our vision of God and justice.

The Supreme Court reassured the churches and religious groups that they would not be compelled to perform gay marriage ceremonies. Gay marriage will be recognized in civil law.

Churches have just started to look at the issue. It is interesting to note that the United Church of Canada performs marriage ceremonies for gay and lesbian couples, while the Anglican Church blesses same-sex unions. The sacred and the secular need not always be incompatible.

Gay rights activists in Connecticut initially pushed lawmakers there to legalize marriage for same-sex couples. But when support for the idea was less than warm, they compromised on a civil unions bill.

On April 20 the state’s Republican governor, M. Jodi Rell, signed the groundbreaking legislation, making Connecticut the second state after Vermont to offer gays and lesbians civil unions–all the fights of marriage but without the name–and the first to do so without court order. (Other states, such as California, offer various rights under domestic-partnership laws.)

“I have said all along that I believe in no discrimination of any kind, and I think that this bill accomplishes that while at the same time preserving the traditional language that a marriage is between a man and a woman,” Rell said.

She referred to an eleventh-hour amendment that added the marriage definition to the bill–a necessary compromise for lawmakers and voters across the country who support the idea of legal protections for same-sex couples but believe marriage should be limited to straight couples. The Connecticut gay rights group Love Makes a Family issued a statement commending state lawmakers while noting that the bill was still a compromise on full equalitY and that they would continue to “work toward the day when there are not two lines at town hall–one for them and one for us.”

A similar story is unfolding in Oregon, where gay rights activists who pushed for marriage were defeated on April 14 when the state supreme court nullified more than 3,000 marriage licenses issued to gay and lesbian couples in Multnomah County last year. The court cited a state constitutional amendment, recently approved by voters, banning marriage for gays, but left open the possibilitY of civil unions.

Indeed, less than 24 hours before the ruling, the state’s Democratic governor, Ted Kulongoski, and a bipartisan group of state senators had introduced a bill to create civil unions. Kulongoski acknowledges that the bill “may be a little ahead of its time,” said his spokeswoman, Holly Armstrong, but the governor also predicts that the speed of social change would soon make legal protection for same-sex relationships a reality in Oregon, if not immediately through marriage.

Sharon Skonie and Tom Martin dated for three years and were engaged for 18 months prior to their wedding almost a decade ago. By all accounts, they knew each other very well.

But as devout Catholics, they also knew they would have to take part in pre-Cana, where they would meet with an already married couple and then later their priest to discuss marriage issues.

“Pre-Cana was a requirement for us to get married in the Catholic church, so the idea of getting [pre-marital counseling] didn’t come as a surprise to us,” says Sharon Skonie Martin of Bolingbrook. “I was actually really looking forward to it because I wanted to get to know Tom better.

“We had always talked about things, but not necessarily in a structured way. The pre-Cana provided that for us. We discussed finances, sexual behavior, whether or not we wanted to have children, ways to resolve conflict — all sorts of things.”

Her husband adds, “People do change, and you’ve got to have some flexibility in how you deal with things, because your view five years from now may be different from how it is now. But for us, working through some of these issues before we got married was really beneficial. We weren’t surprised in a bad way.”

They remained so close to the couple that counseled them that the Martins asked them to be the godparents of their only child.

Communication is the biggest asset a couple can have, according to experts such as Patricia Schell Kuhlman and Gregory Kuhlman, whose religion-neutral Marriage Success Training seminars guide couples through preparing for life. In their day jobs, she is a counselor working with women whose marriages are in crisis. He has been a psychologist for more than 25 years.

“Marriage isn’t a sure thing anymore,” says Patricia Schell Kuhlman. “You have a 25 percent chance of staying married if you just trust your relationship to luck. Half will get divorced within the first seven years of marriage. Then of the remaining couples that stay married, only half will stay truly happy and satisfied.

“No one wants to think about what could go wrong — especially when they’re in the glow of a new relationship. What we say is that all couples have bumps in the road. But working through those issues before they become major problems is key to the success of a marriage.”

Married for 15 years, the Kuhlmans recall having a few hours of counseling with their own officiant, though Gregory says he doesn’t remember what they discussed.

Got a great new BF? Congrats! You’ve gotten over the first big hurdle of teen dating: finding a cool guy who’s way worthy of you. But here comes that second hurdle: knowing the secrets of being the GF he can’t wait to hang out with.

Silence is golden One of the biggest mistakes a new GF can make? Blabbing to the gang about the mushy text messages he sends you, how he goes out of his way to walk you to soccer practice and the funny little IM exchange you two had last night. Of course, it’s all wonderful and adorable, but …

The truth is, most guys don’t like their love lives becoming fodder for gossip sessions. Once he catches wind of your loose-lip fests, he’ll likely be less than happy about it. So keep those details on the DL.

Let freedom ring As much as you like being alone with your guy, you two will be spending hang time with his crew, too. Nobody says you have to like them all, but they’re his buddies so be pleasant, at the very least.

That said, you don’t want to be the constant tag-along gal. Just like you and your friends enjoy a girls’ night out, your boyfriend deserves to have guy-bonding time. Don’t take his wanting to hang with the guys as a rejection of you or your new relationship. It’s actually healthy for couples to do things apart from each other. Besides, if you spend every waking moment with your boy, you two are bound to get bored.

Stay true to you Changing for a BF is bad, bad, bad. If he’ really a good guy, he should like you for who you are. A guy who pressures you to lose weight or put on more makeup or wear different clothes, isn’t worth a minute of your time. This is not to say he can’t make suggestions (”You’re really cute in that red halter”), but your personal style is ultimately up to you.

Also, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Don’t tell him you love Slipknot when you’re into Jessica Simpson or that you’re an avid water-skier if you can barely tread water. You’ll wind up miserable at a metal concert or drowning in the deceit when he’s eventually on to you. If he turns you on to something that genuinely interests you, great. You never knew baseball was such a blast? You two can munch nachos together while watching the World Series.

There is a lot of emphasis on first-date sex. Should you, shouldn�t you? Will he think I am a tart? Do I really want to wake up to him? Do I want to see him again? Here are a list of pros and cons on first-date sex.First-date sex: Pros
You need to test him to see if he can live up to your expectations in the sack. After all you don�t want to fall for him only to find out he doesn�t have a clue how to please a woman.
You think this is “The One,” so why hold back?
You want to serve him breakfast in bed.
You�ve never had a one night stand and want to experience it just once.

You have just had your legs and bikini line waxed, a full body tan and are feeling and looking your best.
You need the exercise and don�t want to pay for the gym.
You feel less inhibited with a virtual stranger.
Sex makes you feel confident.
Hey sex is great fun.

First-date sex: Cons
He might think of you as easy, a tart.
If he is worth it you can wait.
He doesn�t look as attractive in the morning and neither do you.
You wake feeling vulnerable.
You may not respect each other.
One-night stands last one night.
Fast in, fast out.

Trying to get pregnant? Listen to this: Watching sexy movies with your guy may

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help you conceive faster, according to a study conducted at the University of Western Australia. It doesn’t have to be an X-rated film — any hot-and-heavy love scene will do (think 9 1/2 Weeks or The Last Seduction). Researchers found that when men watch a sexy moment right before they make love, they produce more — and better quality — sperm. Why? It’s called “sperm competition”: From an evolutionary point of view, when a guy watches a couple having sex, his primal sense of competition with the other man kicks in, and his body goes into overdrive to produce more powerful sperm — and, ultimately, healthier offspring.

For more information visit us @ Online Dating

Would you rather renew your vows or get a bigger rock? Cheat on your guy or be cheated on? More than 1,000 married women weighed in on these and other hot topics in a Redbookmag.com poll. See how your answers stack up and hear how women on each side explain their decision. Would you rather…

Get an hour-long massage from your husband or a professional masseuse?

A masseuse:

59%
My husband: 41%

“I’d prefer a professional. My husband rubs me like he’s attacking a side of beef.”
–Andra Lahr, Texas, married five years

“A massage from my husband would be sensual and relaxing — and just the beginning of a whole night of fun.”
–Kelly Moran, Pennsylvania, married two years

Your husband were bald or had a beer belly?

Bald: 59%
Beer belly: 41%

“Bald doesn’t bother me at all. Look at Bruce Willis or Montel — they’re hot!”
–Laura Grimmer, Texas, married four years

“My father-in-law is bald and does the dreaded comb-over. I’d hate to see my husband doing that!”
–Jennifer B., Washington, DC, married eight years

Move in with your parents or his?

My parents: 65%
His parents: 35%

“The evil you know is less scary than the one you don’t.”
–Mari Farthing, Oklahoma, married 12 years

“My in-laws are better housekeepers, and they always cook.”
–Michelle Rosario, Ohio, married 10 years

Your husband wash or fold?

Wash: 72%
Fold: 28%

“He clumps and balls rather than folds, so I’d rather he wash.”
–Brooke Duree, Texas, married four years

“[I prefer he folds.] My husband won’t sort laundry. Then he complains that he has pink underwear.”
–Vanessa Helfrich, Idaho, married nine years

For More information visit us @ Online Dating