Online Dating and Love Information Articles

Sharon Skonie and Tom Martin dated for three years and were engaged for 18 months prior to their wedding almost a decade ago. By all accounts, they knew each other very well.

But as devout Catholics, they also knew they would have to take part in pre-Cana, where they would meet with an already married couple and then later their priest to discuss marriage issues.

“Pre-Cana was a requirement for us to get married in the Catholic church, so the idea of getting [pre-marital counseling] didn’t come as a surprise to us,” says Sharon Skonie Martin of Bolingbrook. “I was actually really looking forward to it because I wanted to get to know Tom better.

“We had always talked about things, but not necessarily in a structured way. The pre-Cana provided that for us. We discussed finances, sexual behavior, whether or not we wanted to have children, ways to resolve conflict — all sorts of things.”

Her husband adds, “People do change, and you’ve got to have some flexibility in how you deal with things, because your view five years from now may be different from how it is now. But for us, working through some of these issues before we got married was really beneficial. We weren’t surprised in a bad way.”

They remained so close to the couple that counseled them that the Martins asked them to be the godparents of their only child.

Communication is the biggest asset a couple can have, according to experts such as Patricia Schell Kuhlman and Gregory Kuhlman, whose religion-neutral Marriage Success Training seminars guide couples through preparing for life. In their day jobs, she is a counselor working with women whose marriages are in crisis. He has been a psychologist for more than 25 years.

“Marriage isn’t a sure thing anymore,” says Patricia Schell Kuhlman. “You have a 25 percent chance of staying married if you just trust your relationship to luck. Half will get divorced within the first seven years of marriage. Then of the remaining couples that stay married, only half will stay truly happy and satisfied.

“No one wants to think about what could go wrong — especially when they’re in the glow of a new relationship. What we say is that all couples have bumps in the road. But working through those issues before they become major problems is key to the success of a marriage.”

Married for 15 years, the Kuhlmans recall having a few hours of counseling with their own officiant, though Gregory says he doesn’t remember what they discussed.

Got a great new BF? Congrats! You’ve gotten over the first big hurdle of teen dating: finding a cool guy who’s way worthy of you. But here comes that second hurdle: knowing the secrets of being the GF he can’t wait to hang out with.

Silence is golden One of the biggest mistakes a new GF can make? Blabbing to the gang about the mushy text messages he sends you, how he goes out of his way to walk you to soccer practice and the funny little IM exchange you two had last night. Of course, it’s all wonderful and adorable, but …

The truth is, most guys don’t like their love lives becoming fodder for gossip sessions. Once he catches wind of your loose-lip fests, he’ll likely be less than happy about it. So keep those details on the DL.

Let freedom ring As much as you like being alone with your guy, you two will be spending hang time with his crew, too. Nobody says you have to like them all, but they’re his buddies so be pleasant, at the very least.

That said, you don’t want to be the constant tag-along gal. Just like you and your friends enjoy a girls’ night out, your boyfriend deserves to have guy-bonding time. Don’t take his wanting to hang with the guys as a rejection of you or your new relationship. It’s actually healthy for couples to do things apart from each other. Besides, if you spend every waking moment with your boy, you two are bound to get bored.

Stay true to you Changing for a BF is bad, bad, bad. If he’ really a good guy, he should like you for who you are. A guy who pressures you to lose weight or put on more makeup or wear different clothes, isn’t worth a minute of your time. This is not to say he can’t make suggestions (”You’re really cute in that red halter”), but your personal style is ultimately up to you.

Also, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Don’t tell him you love Slipknot when you’re into Jessica Simpson or that you’re an avid water-skier if you can barely tread water. You’ll wind up miserable at a metal concert or drowning in the deceit when he’s eventually on to you. If he turns you on to something that genuinely interests you, great. You never knew baseball was such a blast? You two can munch nachos together while watching the World Series.