Online Dating and Love Information Articles

The Battle of the Sexes! – By Joseph Ghabi

During my personal experiences with some of my relationships, I realised an important factor that a couple in any relationship might experience. The same issue reached my conclusion whilst talking with the people I’ve dealt with during in some of my private consultations. What am I talking about? I guess it is about time to state my intention!

We sometimes move from relationship one to another, asking ourselves why we keep attracting experiences with similar characteristics to those we have experienced previously. A male projects his masculine vibration and brings qualities of independence, self-confidence, assurance, security, Ego and pride (negative side and not the best quality!), into the relationship. A female projects a warmer side to that of the male bringing intuition, love, firstly, towards herself before sharing that with her partner, sensation, and her sexuality. Always we find a lack of self-confidence and trust existing in many women (a negative side that should be worked upon). Those are typical characteristics that both sexes should portray to an extent in their relationship identifying their individual sexuality. And always keep in mind, no-one is perfect!

In order for a male to grow in a more desirable way being balance and in harmony, he should open up his female side, though in such a way as not to allow it to take place of his role in being a man, but in order to open up his intuition and encourage the balance between his male and female vibrations.
A female, on the contrary, should open up her male side in order to build up her self-confidence and trust in herself. Thus, bringing her the quality of leadership and balancing both sides of her vibration.

In today’s world, a woman’s place is shifting from that of being a housewife into being at the top in the corporate world. That is a positive change and it is about time too! However, not at the expense of allowing her male vibration to take place over her female vibration. Think about it!

During the 1900’s we had a hundred years governed by a male vibration where men were in control ({19} 00 = 19 = 10 = 1). Since the year 2000 the vibration is changing into that of a female vibration which will be in effect for the next hundred years ({20} 00 = 20 = 2).

The 1 is a male vibration and 2 is a female vibration. A change of attitude in the way we consider a woman being in top job positions did start to take place over approximately twenty years ago. This begun when the energies started to shift. The new century brought preparation for the new female vibration. So my point is that women should not be or acting as if they are male in order to prove a point. It is far more appropriate for women to simply be themselves and they will be fine with that whilst the universal energies are in their favour.

Another contributing factor which many women are likely to have encountered upon in their lives is where negative experiences or relationships as an adult or a young woman in her past encourage them develop a strong male vibration into their energy. The woman may not even be aware of this fact, but it is a natural instinct in order to help her survive the difficult experiences in her life. Bringing this male as a means of survival is acceptable, however, it is critical that women learn where to draw the limit and realise the consequences of having too much male energy is likely to bring.

In both cases, it is not helpful for either sex to have a male vibration to over power the female side when you are supposed to be a woman. As is the case for any male, it is not appropriate to have the female vibration overpowering his masculine side. The most important key to learn and understand is balance!

Now let’s imagine ourselves in a situation where even if the man in your relationship is not sensitive towards detecting energies around him, but un-consciously he will be able to detect that male vibration in his partner. That in any case will bring a power struggle on its own behalf. In homosexual relationships, it is common to see one of the partners playing role of the male or the female. That is, by all means okay. However, when we are in a heterosexual relationship and being well defined opposites then it is likely to become an indirect problem that many of us who are involved in a relationship are not able to detect any imbalance of energies between the male and the female. Thus, allowing it to grow until it can eventually hurt the relationship. As I did mention previously, the importance lies in maintaining a balance.

I would like to mention the importance for a woman to really build her male side in order to build her self confidence, self trust and the gutsy feeling that will enable her to bring the drive she needs to move and do what she wants to do in this lifetime. Though, not as a means of becoming an equally assertive male in the relationship! I do not believe for a moment that women are born in this lifetime in order to have babies and sit at home as housewives! Though some women do accept this and enjoy this lifestyle, they do have responsibility in bringing handling the necessary experiences in order to promote their growth at a soul level. The amount of growth a soul will achieve can also be determined under what society, culture and religion the woman is born into.

In reality in many relationships today, many men are abusing their power by taping into their partner weaknesses where there is a lack of self-confidence and trust in the woman to achieve what they want in their own reality. This case stands true for many females who might also be abusing the male in the relationship and this cannot be disregarded in any case. Relationships with characteristics such as these will drive the relationship into a dead end zone where that relationship is, of course, doomed to fail. The reason being, the time will come to say enough is enough when nothing is moving or changing in that relationship. Being in love with someone is one thing but becoming a doormat is something else. I believe many of you will be able to identify with what I am taking about.

Now let’s be honest and see if we can identify if your male or female side is strong in you. Please remember, this does not imply that every woman and man will have this problem. If you are still reading this far in the article you might ask yourself the question how do we go about identifying if this is a problem for us? The most difficult part is admitting and accepting the foundation of the problem, but after this how do we handle it?

First let’s start in identifying the problem. In some women, it is obvious through her walk, her way of talking, her attitude and ego. Sometimes these traits are not so obvious and in this case she needs to go deeper, looking into her attitude in certain cases, her sexual preferences (are they male preferences?), and her ways in handling her day to day activities in general.

Please do not depend on your boyfriend or husband to identify the problem.

They might not be aware of it but in any case it does not hurt to get their honest opinion. Only balanced men with female energy can easily identify the problem. It can be really obvious for them to detect sometimes.
If we discover that we have this problem, one of the most important factors is in acceptance of it and not to allow your ego and sense of pride to drive you into ignoring the reality of the situation. We are talking here in terms of a male ego and pride and it might be tough to let go of. You must identify the reason of why you are doing this exercise in the first place. One important factor is that you are doing it purely for yourself. No blame should be directed in any way or form towards anyone who is involved, including yourself! Rather, you should spend your time and energy in trying to trace back to where the problem originated.

This exercise should not take forever to implement. It is not a life process to deal with our problems or issues as long as we have a true will to do so. Understanding a problem or a situation is basically one way of looking to our problems. So in your own time and regardless of your age, just go back in time and recall certain experiences where you had an involvement with a male figure. This can be your father, an uncle, a cousin, a boyfriend, or a husband. In some cases these situations it can trace as far back to an age as young as five years old. Write down in your diary the whole event in order for you to empty it from your sub-conscious and then go further in time to any relationship where you were involved with the opposite sex. Try to figure out what went wrong in the situation. Eventually you should be able to determine the common dominator in all of the different experiences and any pattern that is evidently repeating itself in the same time. When you do identify the problem the next step is now to deprogrammed all things that you have build up in your mind about how things should be. For example, your reactions to specific situations, people and your emotions and feelings in accordance to these reactions. All of the points that I have explained can come as a result from the problem situation in the first place. It is also very important to forgive yourself and the person involved in the situation. Take a look back at what you wrote six months later and you will see the difference in yourself after your effort toward bringing the changes you made during that time. It might seem too simple to you. Well, it is, but it does work.

I would like to say also that I have NO problems with homosexual relationships as I do respect them as a matter of personal choice, preference and free will. My article brings discussion of the issues stated from a heterosexual male’s point of view, of whom, is in relationship with a woman.
In the end, do we realize that a man is only required to enhance his female by bringing the female intuition into his side? For a woman she needs to bring a male vibration into her environment which will bring her self-confidence and trust in herself. It is all about balance and has nothing else to it, so, let’s not complicate matters here, it really is pretty simple!

I would like to add at this point that this article is directed mainly toward women who are experiencing predominantly male characteristics as oppose to a male being over feminine. I believe I have no place to be discussing the latter as being a male myself! I can not experience the other end of the equation in sensing a male with a strong female. That issue will be for a woman to discuss in terms of a heterosexual relationship experience.

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in the affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying “NO.” He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say “yes.”

People can’t say no? Well, I believe we all have the capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it.

Some are “stuck” and seem to lack the ability to consistently act on the “no.” Please remember that all of us are “grabbed” by something and find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its many forms, however, becomes a powerful focal point.

How to know if infidelity is attached to sexual addiction:

1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value. Sex, sexual conquest, sexual release becomes a powerful force. Acting on the sexual impulse is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex likewise consumes an inordinate amount of time. Multiple ways of acting out sexually (porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, etc.) are common.

2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear: the fear of getting caught, the fear of consequences, the fear of “being found out,” the fear of being abnormal, the fear of being punished, and the fear of losing family, spouse, job and respect.

3. A promise/failure cycle ebbs and flows with the inability to say no. After an “acting out” episode the person usually experiences guilt/fear and promises to self or others, “I won’t do it again.” This will last…until the “urge” is acted upon again. The spouse may be aware or unaware (but sense that something is not “right”) of the “roller coaster” and succession of broken promises.

4. Others are used or seen as objects for personal gratification. No true intimacy is developed.

5. Sexuality is often confused with other needs or connected to unresolved past pain or trauma. A child who experiences confusion around sexuality or sexual abuse of one form or another, may carry along that confusion and attempt to “work that through” in a marriage or extramarital affairs. (I worked with one woman who “used” a one-night fling with a significant person to “clear up” a particular issue.) She was free of that “urge” from that point on. No one ever knew. Could she have chosen a different way? Maybe.

6. Such a person lives in a distorted world. They come to see the world and relationship through the eyes of their “addiction.” They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and may lead a “dual” life.

Tip: If you suspect these characteristics fit you or someone you love, get some help before your world disintegrates further or falls apart. Life can be different. Life, sexuality, a truly intimate relationship IS different. You can get there. You are stuck, and need some true love, care and guidance to arrive at the next level.

There are many things in our culture that grab us and won’t let go. Sometimes sex is one of them. Perhaps that’s the case for you or your spouse/partner.

Sexual addiction plays a prominent role in the “I Can’t Say No” kind of extramarital affair I outline in my E-book, “Break Free From the Affair.”

These questions are intended to help you be more aware of some behaviors that perhaps indicate that sex has a hold on you. If you answer yes to three or more questions it probably is wise to take a closer look at the place of sex in your life.

1) Do I have sex at inappropriate times, inappropriate places and/or with the wrong people?

2) Do I make promises to myself or rules for myself concerning my sexual behavior that I find I cannot follow?

3) Have I lost count of the number of sexual partners I’ve had in the past 3 years?

4) Do I have sex regardless of the consequences (e.g. the threat of being caught, the risk of contracting herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS, etc.)?

5) Do I feel uncomfortable about my masturbation, the fantasies I engage in, the props I use, and/or the places in which I do it?

6) Do I feel jaded, exhausted, cynical? Am I on the path to that?

7) Do I feel that my life is unmanageable because of my sexual behavior?

8) Do I have sex as a way to deal with or escape from life’s problems? DoI feel entitled to sex? Do I feel as though I have earned sex?

9) Do I have a serious relationship threatened or destroyed because of outside sexual activity on my part?

10) Do I feel that my sexual life affects my spiritual life in a negative way?

When I was a boy we lived in the Ghettoes of Toronto, Canada. We had just immigrated from Trinidad and Tobago. My mother struggled to raise four of us on a waitress’ salary. There was chaos and self-destruction all around us. Many of my playmates are no longer among the living. But none of this touched us- we were living a different life. My mother was a church-lady. She was strong and resilient and strict. All of us grew up in the church. The church kept us insulated from most of the horrors of poverty.

The church still has it’s influence on me. I feel it and walk it everyday and I am happy for it. I learned about love in the church. Not the love you see on TV and in the movies- a bigger love, a deeper love. That’s the one sermon from our Jamaican female pastor that I remember the most. When I was 13 she spoke about love. Jesus was all about love, he was love, he is love.

Bryan Ferry from Roxy music sings “Love is the drug that I need to score”. I disagree, I don’t believe that love is a drug- an intoxicant. That sounds more like infatuation to me. I believe that love is a medicine. The Medicine. For those of us in the sixty percent or more of the population with the herpes simplex virus Love is the most powerful healing tool.

Sarah Mclachlan who went to my alma mater-The Nova Scotia College of Art and Design, sings “Your love is better than ice cream, better than anything I’ve ever had”. I would sing instead that “My love is better than valtrex, better than famvir or anything I’ve ever had”.

Don Miguel Ruiz writes that “healing requires the truth, forgiveness and self-love. With these three points the whole world will heal”. I will write about all three in this brief piece.

First the truth. Sixty percent or more of the population has herpes. It’s not the 20 or 25% figure thrown out by many who wish to downplay the true impact of the herpes pandemic. In a way it’s a cynical attempt to divide the herpes nation between those who get sores on their mouth and face from those who get sores on their genitals. It provides a flimsy excuse for people with cold sores to pretend it’s not herpes, to not get treatment and not to try and prevent others from being infected. Herpes is herpes- it’s one of the few things scientists and us in the holistic healing community agree on. Figures very widely but it cannot be disputed that between 50 and 80% of the population has herpes simplex 1 and between 20 and 25% of the population has herpes simplex 2, so if you factor in the number of people who have both types, the minimum number of people who have herpes simplex has to be at least 60% and is likely more. This is important because the message needs to get out to people with herpes that they are not part of some marginalized minority. If you have herpes you are part of a herpes nation that is a majority of the population. It is common and normal to have herpes. It is becoming uncommon not to have herpes. It is long past time for people with herpes to come out of the closet and speak up about herpes to help educate the people who don’t have herpes and to put a human face on this disease. The stigma only exists because of the shame people with herpes have agreed to carry. There is no need for this, no reason for this. Shame is not a product of love.

It makes no sense to me to be ashamed of getting a virus from an act of lovemaking or kissing rather than getting a disease from self-abuse or catching an air-borne virus from riding on a subway train. Some people do not love sex and therefore wish to denigrate anything that has to do with sex especially sexually transmitted infections. I learned a long time ago in church that true love is accepting and forgiving and inclusive. People with herpes are not lepers and need not allow themselves to be treated like lepers.

The truth is also that there is no cure for herpes and one isn’t likely in our lifetime. So herpes is a lifelong viral infection. The truth is that most people who have herpes don’t know it because they have never had a type-specific blood test for herpes either out of fear or lack of awareness. (Herpes tests are not normally part of a STI screening panel, so unless you demand one you may never get one) The truth is that people with herpes can be contagious even when there are no warning signs of the virus being active so safer sex is something that ought to be considered. The truth is that a person with herpes who does not make peace with the emotional and mental consequences of having herpes will not be able to manage their herpes as effectively as someone who does regardless of how much valtrex or famvir they take.

Forgiveness. Some people with herpes are still angry and resentful with the person who infected them. I can understand this because I hear so many stories. So many people are infected by people who didn’t warn them of their herpes status. Many people are infected by unfaithful partners. Some have been raped.

It’s natural to be angry and bitter when given a life-sentence like herpes. It took me a long time to let go of my negative feelings about my own infection. Everyone is living their own distinct experience with herpes. But I say most sincerely that sooner or later and I hope that it’s sooner, there must come a time to forgive and let go if you want to be healthy with herpes. Hanging on to the negative feelings not only damages you physically and otherwise often causing more outbreaks, but it binds you to the past, which you will never free yourself from until you forgive.

Forgive the person who gave you herpes if you can. And if you cannot, keep trying until you can. But more importantly forgive yourself. I treat so many people in my holistic herpes clinic who are continually punishing themselves for having herpes. They are angry at themselves thinking that they could have been smarter-full of regret and self recriminations. This is not love. Love forgives, love understands.

Be good to yourself, be gentle and loving and patient as if you were your own child. Forgive yourself and reclaim your self-esteem and self-love.

Do you love yourself? Do you really? If you have herpes and love yourself how would you act? Would you be ashamed of your herpes? Would you stop dating and deny yourself love and sex just because you have herpes? Would you be sitting in a vortex of anger and resentment towards the virus? Or would you life be all about love and peace and balance?

If you loved yourself- how would you eat? Would you smoke cigarettes and take recreational drugs, would you drink coffee knowing that it’s a trigger for your herpes and bad for your health all the way around?

If you loved yourself and loved others would you practice safer sex with a condom and/or anti-viral gel to help protect your loved one/s from your herpes, would you practice safer sex to protect yourself from other sexually transmitted infections? Would you perhaps be motivated to speak out and try to educate others on how to deal with herpes if they have it or how to protect themselves from herpes if they don’t, especially the young people who are just starting to explore their sexuality? If you loved yourself would you be afraid to warn your sex partners about your herpes status? The bible says that “true love casteth out all fear”.

You were born with the right to be happy and to enjoy your life and your health to the fullest, having herpes changes none of this.

Recent studies in animal sexuality serve to dispel two common myths: that sex is exclusively about reproduction and that homosexuality is an unnatural sexual preference. It now appears that sex is also about recreation as it frequently occurs out of the mating season. And same-sex copulation and bonding are common in hundreds of species, from bonobo apes to gulls.

Moreover, homosexual couples in the Animal Kingdom are prone to behaviors commonly - and erroneously - attributed only to heterosexuals. The New York Times reported in its February 7, 2004 issue about a couple of gay penguins who are desperately and recurrently seeking to incubate eggs together.

In the same article (”Love that Dare not Squeak its Name”), Bruce Bagemihl, author of the groundbreaking “Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity”, defines homosexuality as “any of these behaviors between members of the same sex: long-term bonding, sexual contact, courtship displays or the rearing of young.”

Still, that a certain behavior occurs in nature (is “natural”) does not render it moral. Infanticide, patricide, suicide, gender bias, and substance abuse - are all to be found in various animal species. It is futile to argue for homosexuality or against it based on zoological observations. Ethics is about surpassing nature - not about emulating it.

The more perplexing question remains: what are the evolutionary and biological advantages of recreational sex and homosexuality? Surely, both entail the waste of scarce resources.

Convoluted explanations, such as the one proffered by Marlene Zuk (homosexuals contribute to the gene pool by nurturing and raising young relatives) defy common sense, experience, and the calculus of evolution. There are no field studies that show conclusively or even indicate that homosexuals tend to raise and nurture their younger relatives more that straights do.

Moreover, the arithmetic of genetics would rule out such a stratagem. If the aim of life is to pass on one’s genes from one generation to the next, the homosexual would have been far better off raising his own children (who carry forward half his DNA) - rather than his nephew or niece (with whom he shares merely one quarter of his genetic material.)
What is more, though genetically-predisposed, homosexuality may be partly acquired, the outcome of environment and nurture, rather than nature.

An oft-overlooked fact is that recreational sex and homosexuality have one thing in common: they do not lead to reproduction. Homosexuality may, therefore, be a form of pleasurable sexual play. It may also enhance same-sex bonding and train the young to form cohesive, purposeful groups (the army and the boarding school come to mind).

Furthermore, homosexuality amounts to the culling of 10-15% of the gene pool in each generation. The genetic material of the homosexual is not propagated and is effectively excluded from the big roulette of life. Growers - of anything from cereals to cattle - similarly use random culling to improve their stock. As mathematical models show, such repeated mass removal of DNA from the common brew seems to optimize the species and increase its resilience and efficiency.

It is ironic to realize that homosexuality and other forms of non-reproductive, pleasure-seeking sex may be key evolutionary mechanisms and integral drivers of population dynamics. Reproduction is but one goal among many, equally important, end results. Heterosexuality is but one strategy among a few optimal solutions. Studying biology may yet lead to greater tolerance for the vast repertory of human sexual foibles, preferences, and predilections. Back to nature, in this case, may be forward to civilization.

Suggested Literature

Bagemihl, Bruce - “Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity” - St. Martin’s Press, 1999

De-Waal, Frans and Lanting, Frans - “Bonobo: The Forgotten Ape” - University of California Press, 1997

De Waal, Frans - “Bonobo Sex and Society” - March 1995 issue of Scientific American, pp. 82-88

Trivers, Robert - Natural Selection and Social Theory: Selected Papers - Oxford University Press, 2002

“One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.”

Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)

In nature, male and female are distinct. She-elephants are gregarious, he-elephants solitary. Male zebra finches are loquacious - the females mute. Female green spoon worms are 200,000 times larger than their male mates. These striking differences are biological - yet they lead to differentiation in social roles and skill acquisition.

Alan Pease, author of a book titled “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps”, believes that women are spatially-challenged compared to men. The British firm, Admiral Insurance, conducted a study of half a million claims. They found that “women were almost twice as likely as men to have a collision in a car park, 23 percent more likely to hit a stationary car, and 15 percent more likely to reverse into another vehicle” (Reuters).

Yet gender “differences” are often the outcomes of bad scholarship. Consider Admiral insurance’s data. As Britain’s Automobile Association (AA) correctly pointed out - women drivers tend to make more short journeys around towns and shopping centers and these involve frequent parking. Hence their ubiquity in certain kinds of claims. Regarding women’s alleged spatial deficiency, in Britain, girls have been outperforming boys in scholastic aptitude tests - including geometry and maths - since 1988.

In an Op-Ed published by the New York Times on January 23, 2005, Olivia Judson cited this example

“Beliefs that men are intrinsically better at this or that have repeatedly led to discrimination and prejudice, and then they’ve been proved to be nonsense. Women were thought not to be world-class musicians. But when American symphony orchestras introduced blind auditions in the 1970’s - the musician plays behind a screen so that his or her gender is invisible to those listening - the number of women offered jobs in professional orchestras increased. Similarly, in science, studies of the ways that grant applications are evaluated have shown that women are more likely to get financing when those reading the applications do not know the sex of the applicant.”

On the other wing of the divide, Anthony Clare, a British psychiatrist and author of “On Men” wrote:

“At the beginning of the 21st century it is difficult to avoid the conclusion that men are in serious trouble. Throughout the world, developed and developing, antisocial behavior is essentially male. Violence, sexual abuse of children, illicit drug use, alcohol misuse, gambling, all are overwhelmingly male activities. The courts and prisons bulge with men. When it comes to aggression, delinquent behavior, risk taking and social mayhem, men win gold.”

Men also mature later, die earlier, are more susceptible to infections and most types of cancer, are more likely to be dyslexic, to suffer from a host of mental health disorders, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and to commit suicide.

In her book, “Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man”, Susan Faludi describes a crisis of masculinity following the breakdown of manhood models and work and family structures in the last five decades. In the film “Boys don’t Cry”, a teenage girl binds her breasts and acts the male in a caricatural relish of stereotypes of virility. Being a man is merely a state of mind, the movie implies.

But what does it really mean to be a “male” or a “female”? Are gender identity and sexual preferences genetically determined? Can they be reduced to one’s sex? Or are they amalgams of biological, social, and psychological factors in constant interaction? Are they immutable lifelong features or dynamically evolving frames of self-reference?

In the aforementioned New York Times Op-Ed, Olivia Judson opines:

“Many sex differences are not, therefore, the result of his having one gene while she has another. Rather, they are attributable to the way particular genes behave when they find themselves in him instead of her. The magnificent difference between male and female green spoon worms, for example, has nothing to do with their having different genes: each green spoon worm larva could go either way. Which sex it becomes depends on whether it meets a female during its first three weeks of life. If it meets a female, it becomes male and prepares to regurgitate; if it doesn’t, it becomes female and settles into a crack on the sea floor.”

Yet, certain traits attributed to one’s sex are surely better accounted for by the demands of one’s environment, by cultural factors, the process of socialization, gender roles, and what George Devereux called “ethnopsychiatry” in “Basic Problems of Ethnopsychiatry” (University of Chicago Press, 1980). He suggested to divide the unconscious into the id (the part that was always instinctual and unconscious) and the “ethnic unconscious” (repressed material that was once conscious). The latter is mostly molded by prevailing cultural mores and includes all our defense mechanisms and most of the superego.

So, how can we tell whether our sexual role is mostly in our blood or in our brains?

The scrutiny of borderline cases of human sexuality - notably the transgendered or intersexed - can yield clues as to the distribution and relative weights of biological, social, and psychological determinants of gender identity formation.

The results of a study conducted by Uwe Hartmann, Hinnerk Becker, and Claudia Rueffer-Hesse in 1997 and titled “Self and Gender: Narcissistic Pathology and Personality Factors in Gender Dysphoric Patients”, published in the “International Journal of Transgenderism”, “indicate significant psychopathological aspects and narcissistic dysregulation in a substantial proportion of patients.” Are these “psychopathological aspects” merely reactions to underlying physiological realities and changes? Could social ostracism and labeling have induced them in the “patients”?

The authors conclude:

“The cumulative evidence of our study … is consistent with the view that gender dysphoria is a disorder of the sense of self as has been proposed by Beitel (1985) or Pfäfflin (1993). The central problem in our patients is about identity and the self in general and the transsexual wish seems to be an attempt at reassuring and stabilizing the self-coherence which in turn can lead to a further destabilization if the self is already too fragile. In this view the body is instrumentalized to create a sense of identity and the splitting symbolized in the hiatus between the rejected body-self and other parts of the self is more between good and bad objects than between masculine and feminine.”

Freud, Kraft-Ebbing, and Fliess suggested that we are all bisexual to a certain degree. As early as 1910, Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld argued, in Berlin, that absolute genders are “abstractions, invented extremes”. The consensus today is that one’s sexuality is, mostly, a psychological construct which reflects gender role orientation.

Joanne Meyerowitz, a professor of history at Indiana University and the editor of The Journal of American History observes, in her recently published tome, “How Sex Changed: A History of Transsexuality in the United States”, that the very meaning of masculinity and femininity is in constant flux.

Transgender activists, says Meyerowitz, insist that gender and sexuality represent “distinct analytical categories”. The New York Times wrote in its review of the book: “Some male-to-female transsexuals have sex with men and call themselves homosexuals. Some female-to-male transsexuals have sex with women and call themselves lesbians. Some transsexuals call themselves asexual.”

So, it is all in the mind, you see.

This would be taking it too far. A large body of scientific evidence points to the genetic and biological underpinnings of sexual behavior and preferences.

The German science magazine, “Geo”, reported recently that the males of the fruit fly “drosophila melanogaster” switched from heterosexuality to homosexuality as the temperature in the lab was increased from 19 to 30 degrees Celsius. They reverted to chasing females as it was lowered.

The brain structures of homosexual sheep are different to those of straight sheep, a study conducted recently by the Oregon Health & Science University and the U.S. Department of Agriculture Sheep Experiment Station in Dubois, Idaho, revealed. Similar differences were found between gay men and straight ones in 1995 in Holland and elsewhere. The preoptic area of the hypothalamus was larger in heterosexual men than in both homosexual men and straight women.

According an article, titled “When Sexual Development Goes Awry”, by Suzanne Miller, published in the September 2000 issue of the “World and I”, various medical conditions give rise to sexual ambiguity. Congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), involving excessive androgen production by the adrenal cortex, results in mixed genitalia. A person with the complete androgen insensitivity syndrome (AIS) has a vagina, external female genitalia and functioning, androgen-producing, testes - but no uterus or fallopian tubes.

People with the rare 5-alpha reductase deficiency syndrome are born with ambiguous genitalia. They appear at first to be girls. At puberty, such a person develops testicles and his clitoris swells and becomes a penis. Hermaphrodites possess both ovaries and testicles (both, in most cases, rather undeveloped). Sometimes the ovaries and testicles are combined into a chimera called ovotestis.

Most of these individuals have the chromosomal composition of a woman together with traces of the Y, male, chromosome. All hermaphrodites have a sizable penis, though rarely generate sperm. Some hermaphrodites develop breasts during puberty and menstruate. Very few even get pregnant and give birth.

Anne Fausto-Sterling, a developmental geneticist, professor of medical science at Brown University, and author of “Sexing the Body”, postulated, in 1993, a continuum of 5 sexes to supplant the current dimorphism: males, merms (male pseudohermaphrodites), herms (true hermaphrodites), ferms (female pseudohermaphrodites), and females.

Intersexuality (hermpahroditism) is a natural human state. We are all conceived with the potential to develop into either sex. The embryonic developmental default is female. A series of triggers during the first weeks of pregnancy places the fetus on the path to maleness.

In rare cases, some women have a male’s genetic makeup (XY chromosomes) and vice versa. But, in the vast majority of cases, one of the sexes is clearly selected. Relics of the stifled sex remain, though. Women have the clitoris as a kind of symbolic penis. Men have breasts (mammary glands) and nipples.

The Encyclopedia Britannica 2003 edition describes the formation of ovaries and testes thus:

“In the young embryo a pair of gonads develop that are indifferent or neutral, showing no indication whether they are destined to develop into testes or ovaries. There are also two different duct systems, one of which can develop into the female system of oviducts and related apparatus and the other into the male sperm duct system. As development of the embryo proceeds, either the male or the female reproductive tissue differentiates in the originally neutral gonad of the mammal.”

Yet, sexual preferences, genitalia and even secondary sex characteristics, such as facial and pubic hair are first order phenomena. Can genetics and biology account for male and female behavior patterns and social interactions (”gender identity”)? Can the multi-tiered complexity and richness of human masculinity and femininity arise from simpler, deterministic, building blocks?

Sociobiologists would have us think so.

For instance: the fact that we are mammals is astonishingly often overlooked. Most mammalian families are composed of mother and offspring. Males are peripatetic absentees. Arguably, high rates of divorce and birth out of wedlock coupled with rising promiscuity merely reinstate this natural “default mode”, observes Lionel Tiger, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University in New Jersey. That three quarters of all divorces are initiated by women tends to support this view.

Furthermore, gender identity is determined during gestation, claim some scholars.

Milton Diamond of the University of Hawaii and Dr. Keith Sigmundson, a practicing psychiatrist, studied the much-celebrated John/Joan case. An accidentally castrated normal male was surgically modified to look female, and raised as a girl but to no avail. He reverted to being a male at puberty.

His gender identity seems to have been inborn (assuming he was not subjected to conflicting cues from his human environment). The case is extensively described in John Colapinto’s tome “As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl”.

HealthScoutNews cited a study published in the November 2002 issue of “Child Development”. The researchers, from City University of London, found that the level of maternal testosterone during pregnancy affects the behavior of neonatal girls and renders it more masculine. “High testosterone” girls “enjoy activities typically considered male behavior, like playing with trucks or guns”. Boys’ behavior remains unaltered, according to the study.

Yet, other scholars, like John Money, insist that newborns are a “blank slate” as far as their gender identity is concerned. This is also the prevailing view. Gender and sex-role identities, we are taught, are fully formed in a process of socialization which ends by the third year of life. The Encyclopedia Britannica 2003 edition sums it up thus:

“Like an individual’s concept of his or her sex role, gender identity develops by means of parental example, social reinforcement, and language. Parents teach sex-appropriate behavior to their children from an early age, and this behavior is reinforced as the child grows older and enters a wider social world. As the child acquires language, he also learns very early the distinction between “he” and “she” and understands which pertains to him- or herself.”

So, which is it - nature or nurture? There is no disputing the fact that our sexual physiology and, in all probability, our sexual preferences are determined in the womb. Men and women are different - physiologically and, as a result, also psychologically.

Society, through its agents - foremost amongst which are family, peers, and teachers - represses or encourages these genetic propensities. It does so by propagating “gender roles” - gender-specific lists of alleged traits, permissible behavior patterns, and prescriptive morals and norms. Our “gender identity” or “sex role” is shorthand for the way we make use of our natural genotypic-phenotypic endowments in conformity with social-cultural “gender roles”.

Inevitably as the composition and bias of these lists change, so does the meaning of being “male” or “female”. Gender roles are constantly redefined by tectonic shifts in the definition and functioning of basic social units, such as the nuclear family and the workplace. The cross-fertilization of gender-related cultural memes renders “masculinity” and “femininity” fluid concepts.

One’s sex equals one’s bodily equipment, an objective, finite, and, usually, immutable inventory. But our endowments can be put to many uses, in different cognitive and affective contexts, and subject to varying exegetic frameworks. As opposed to “sex” - “gender” is, therefore, a socio-cultural narrative. Both heterosexual and homosexual men ejaculate. Both straight and lesbian women climax. What distinguishes them from each other are subjective introjects of socio-cultural conventions, not objective, immutable “facts”.

In “The New Gender Wars”, published in the November/December 2000 issue of “Psychology Today”, Sarah Blustain sums up the “bio-social” model proposed by Mice Eagly, a professor of psychology at Northwestern University and a former student of his, Wendy Wood, now a professor at the Texas A&M University:

“Like (the evolutionary psychologists), Eagly and Wood reject social constructionist notions that all gender differences are created by culture. But to the question of where they come from, they answer differently: not our genes but our roles in society. This narrative focuses on how societies respond to the basic biological differences - men’s strength and women’s reproductive capabilities - and how they encourage men and women to follow certain patterns.

‘If you’re spending a lot of time nursing your kid’, explains Wood, ‘then you don’t have the opportunity to devote large amounts of time to developing specialized skills and engaging tasks outside of the home’. And, adds Eagly, ‘if women are charged with caring for infants, what happens is that women are more nurturing. Societies have to make the adult system work [so] socialization of girls is arranged to give them experience in nurturing’.

According to this interpretation, as the environment changes, so will the range and texture of gender differences. At a time in Western countries when female reproduction is extremely low, nursing is totally optional, childcare alternatives are many, and mechanization lessens the importance of male size and strength, women are no longer restricted as much by their smaller size and by child-bearing. That means, argue Eagly and Wood, that role structures for men and women will change and, not surprisingly, the way we socialize people in these new roles will change too. (Indeed, says Wood, ’sex differences seem to be reduced in societies where men and women have similar status,’ she says. If you’re looking to live in more gender-neutral environment, try Scandinavia.)”

Sex is what brought us here. Without sex, you and I won’t be here.

There is nothing cheap or dirty about sex. It is the attitude towards sex that makes it egrading,sinful , dirty or beautiful and precious. It fulfills the function of procreation, it could also be a means to commit the most heinous crime.
It is important not only to be aware of our sexuality, we need to acknowledge its importance as a factor for a balanced life. It is the fire that keeps the flames of romance aglow, the strong fiber that keeps a relationship together against all odds, it is refreshing, it is healing.

Respect for sex add meaning to our human existence and relationships.

We treat with reverence those things we hold dear to our hearts.Activities that we enjoy leaves us with that sense of accomplishment, of satisfaction, and makes us feel good.

Music is considered the language of the soul. Who does not enjoy music? It is one of the great pleasures mankind has discovered. There are as many tunes ,songs and music as there are performers ,composers and song writers.

Sex is an integral part of human existence.The expression of sex has many faces, strikes many chords, creates a variety of tempo, of harmony or dis-harmony. Who does not admire beautiful and awesome surroundings; seek and welcome serenity and tranquility, away from the frenzy of the world. Yes, expression and wholesome atmosphere create and inspire the moment for the ultimate experience of Sacred Sex.
We do not subscribe to the same type of music, but generally, there must be something in the music that stirs the soul; a melody that promotes a certain mood, a tune that softens or excites the psyche. Listening to music is soothing, it is inspiring, it quietens a cluttered mind.

There is no human activity that can compare to sex that can elevate the soul, the human spirit to ecstasy, out of the physical realm into a world only the two physical bodies can experience.No, it is the “quickie”, not the one in the backseat, or any isolated dim spot that is available at the moment.

If you’ve been to a concert, a recital , attended a symphony, you do not just “run”into these events. Sex is like attending one of these events- to fully enjoy it, you set aside the time , the resources needed , you plan the when and the how will naturally follow. It is not an event you attend to everyday. It is a special occasion that you look forward to with anticipation. Of course,spontaneity adds pizzazz.

Why not a sacred time for sacred sex? Anyone who is interested to learn more about the “How to”, the resources are limitless- read up on Tantric Sex, get a copy of the Kama Sutra. But, no matter how much information you read on sex, if the attitude to elevate it to something sacred is not there, it would be difficult to experience the bliss, the ecstasy and the sense of fulfillment only sacred sex can offer. Expression is a very personal matter, so is the experience.

There is music, and there is music. Some people enjoy the singer who belts out the words, in constant gyration or movement. They see the singer, do they hear the song? There are others who are quite content with the blues, or country tempo, some go for ballads, but, there is always room for the appreciation of the music of the great masters, do not mistake it for the elevator music..Many of the great music have “popular hits” versions that appeal to most.Take Beethoven’s Fifth, Chopin’s Nocturne in B Flat ( To Love Again), Mozart’s Eich Nacht Music ( Twinlke, Twinkle Little Star)

Sacred sex is like attending a symphony- the orchestra and all its sections play their part- the percussion, the wind instruments, the strings, the woodwind, the drums and cymbals and other sections that I miss. What does these have to do with sex? When elevated to the highest form that it can be, every single part of the human body can be tuned in like the sections of the orchestra, to produce that haunting, enjoyable , uplifting and satisfying music.

Listen to some good music, it’s not all one beat, one, chord, one tone. Observe the adagio, enjoy the cantabile, the sweetness of the dolce, then get exhilarated as the orchestra progresses to forte, fortissimo, con anima, then.. it starts to slow down, go into ritartando, some endings maybe real soft or bombastic, but always passionate. Notice that after each performance of the symphony, are seconds of quiet, when you hear not a sound, until the maestro takes his bow.

Two souls are able to reach out into the depths of each other’s being during moments of intimacy. It is difficult to interpret most work of art, and feel the passion of the artist, understand what was on his mind while creating his work. But music is different. The performer has the freedom to express the inner stirrings within the soul, with passion that radiates through the performance, filters to the spectators, and enjoy the transformation to a different world and savor the peace
within the soul .

In sacred sex, it helps to understand the human anatomy, to fine tune all these parts, yes, from head to toe, to stir the most passionate, ecstatic and blissful act. When two souls are able to reach this state of oneness, savor it, and respect it…that is sacred sex.

Self-esteem issues seems to be one of the strongest emotions that challenge many women today. It has become a woman’s first worry when she awakens, and her last worry before she sleeps.

It is said that we are all born with a natural self-esteem, but through the worlds concerns about power and control, we have been trained to worry about what others think of us and how we can please them. We have forgotten how to love ourselves and treat ourselves with respect. We are taught that loving ourselves is selfish and will only make us appear conceited, which will turn people off. If we are not allowed to learn how to love ourselves, then how can we learn to allow others to love us? We cannot feel love and positive esteem for ourselves if we focus all of it on others first. If we do, we then run the risk of offering all of our inner feelings to someone and not getting anything in return. At this point we begin to feel resentment, cheated and even lower in our ability to ever love again.

People that have scars from resentment and abuse are the hardest people to love. They have the highest low self-esteem walls to climb. In short, they are unreachable. This is not a good thing at all.

When a person says in all honesty that they are suffering from a low self-esteem issue, I take that very seriously. This is a true cry for help. They are at the bottom of their pit and are asking for help to get out. They are at a point where they will expect you to love them and take care of them as they would themselves. In other words, we all know the worst thing a person can do is expect their partner to be a mind reader. Well, when a person is suffering from a low self-esteem, trust me, they do expect just that. They will expect for you to just know what they need. They only have faith in you. They have lost faith in themselves long ago and they have no recourse. This places a very huge burden on your shoulders as their partner. This is not a good thing!

No one will ever be able to feel what another person feels inside. No one will ever be able to love another as they can love themselves. No one can read our minds. No one can do for us, what needs to be done to make us feel inner peace. It is our responsibility to ourselves to love us first. You really must know who you are to start. To be able to fulfill your needs and desires and goals in life, you need to identify with your wants. You cannot do any of this if you do not focus on you. You need to be all about you for a time. No one can do this for you, so just do it!

This is called finding your space. Your space is a very, very important place to just find yourself in peace with no distractions. Just you and your thoughts. Learning about your self-esteem also means that you must come to terms with this question, “How badly do you want to have a higher self-esteem” ? If you really want it, then you will find it. You have been trained to un-love yourself, so it is not impossible to retrain yourself to love you again. Your environment is also important in helping you feel positive vibes. For you to truly accept yourself unconditionally, you must look beyond the simple quick fix motto’s that are plaguing television and magazines, such as diets that will make you a better you, or take this pill and you will be a new you. Ugh, there are so many misconceptions out there. It seriously boils down to your mind and your heart. Love yourself as you want to be loved. Love yourself as you want to love someone! Just be you! That is a very good thing!

Remember, “HABITS”? Well that’s exactly what you need to do. Create loving you habits and respecting you habits. Think of it as your very first self-esteem day. You wake up, you stretch and hug your partner or just yourself. Even hugging your pillow is a good hug. You have no memory of any other feelings. You love yourself. You have no other intention but to take care of you. You look in the mirror and stick your tongue out and roll your eyes inward and smile! Smile at you because you love who you are. Ti’s a very good thing to be able to smile at you for no other reason than it is good to be you!

Please do not get me wrong here. Life will still challenge you with its ups and downs. You will still have to deal with all the negative things that your day will unravel. But the difference is, you will be doing it from clear, fresh, positive self-esteem eyes. Nothing will defeat you in the end. Oh, it may give you a run for your money, but you will override all of it with your smiles and love for yourself. Imagine the confidence that will shine inside of you. Your reactions will be out of love and understanding. They will no longer be from resentment and hate. This is a good thing!

Remember also that anything worth having does not come easily. Once it has been attained or learned, it remains forever. This too is a good thing! Many women have experienced the highs and the lows of self-esteem, you are so not alone in this battle to find a better you!

To finally have the gift of self-esteem will not bring you happiness, that is something that comes after. But it will bring you a deep awareness of who you are. A new respect for you. A genuine love for yourself and the confidence to soar! Finding your self-esteem saves your world, not anyone else’s. But it does give you the strength to help others to find theirs. So Ladies, please follow me into the world of a very high self-esteem.

Hmmm, my thoughts tonight will definitely be different from most of my blogs. I have touched on so many emotions in the past and I am still feeling the need to share yet another. I have spoken on women’s issues mainly, yet trying to keep men on a fair plain, mainly due to the facts and studies that more women experience self-esteem issues and jealousy monsters than men. Most of our emotions are gender friendly, except of course the ever so dreaded PMS and Menopause thingy. Although I have heard in passing that men do go through Menopause in a similar way. I will leave that for another article! (wink) If you have noticed throughout my blogs, that I have tried to remind everyone that I am speaking of both genders, even if I keep saying women. This is after all, a take off from my women’s self-esteem website.

I know you are all wondering, hmmm, “What is this article going to be about?”

Well.. it is going to be about “SEX”! Now I know I have your attention.

Is it not strange how anything that has the word, “SEX” in it, catches every ones eyes. Oh, do not even say, “Not me”. It is a three letter word that has more punch than Mohhamad Ally`s fist. No offence meant there. On a more serious note, SEX is definitely a key in ones well being, or higher self esteem. When we feel sexy, we can jump the highest wall and climb the tallest mountain. Yes, I am speaking to adults on this one. After all, it is when we reach adulthood that life becomes so complicated, and all the insecurities begin to control ones mind. We also find”SEX”. It is so a part of what makes a very stable beginning to a relationship, which one hopes flows into a marriage partnership. Again, please do not say, “I never had premarital SEX”. My parents had it, so I know everyone else in the world did too. Okay, I will maybe let 10 people get away with it. I am trying to incorporate self-esteem with relationships because a lot of what goes on between a man and a woman will trigger off ones deep inner emotions such as self esteem.

I have asked a few people of both genders, this question: “Why do people eventually forget what they have at home?” Is it because one or both have stopped trying to impress the other? Hmmm. Why would one stop trying to look good for their mate? Do you want your mate to fantasize of someone else in order to have SEX? (harsh, I know, but it is a truth) Do you talk to you mate in bed? Why not? After and during SEX, is the best time to talk to each other. Life is sweet after SEX and no one wants to get off the “Good feeling plateau”. The answers I received were shrugged shoulders to start with, which is really sad. It was more like, “DUH”. One man actually was excited to give his answer, “Damn, I agree”. That was about it. Again I say, “Sad”! Men and Women need to learn how to talk. I mean talk about their true grit feelings. Example: “Baby, am I sexy enough for you, I mean is there anything I can do to make you want me more?” Or if you desires something different from yours partner in SEX, you should be able to ask it without the fear of hurting the others feelings. Or having to calm them down from an, “Oh, so you don’t like me the way I am?”!!! We all fall into a first impulse scenario, especially if we have even the slightest insecurity. SEX is suppose to be fun and open and raw. Women, listen to me now, your man loves your body, he really does. SEX is non judgemental. That’s what I like about it. Passion through SEX is the most natural emotion that we have been blessed with. Why? It is because it is involving true emotion, there is no room for worry or before thoughts, which I call fabricated emotions. Once we have turned the wheels of the SEX engine, we are good to go. It is pure and clearly set.

Our bodies become our maps to nothing but good feelings and becoming one with our partner. Our partner is no more thinking of a movie he saw, or the perfect person that crossed their paths, than they are about work the next day. It is just the two of you, it is purely sweet SEX. We allow ourselves through our weaknesses to put up walls that keep us from opening our self to our partner. We know we crave them to become one with us, to inhale their oh so sweet body smells, and to feel the sexual adrenaline flow through our veins. Is that not enough to break down the walls of worry and insecurities? Many partners do not even know whats going on when their partners are in this stage of detachment. They will be tempted to take it as a rejection. We all know that once we feel rejected, we tend to not ask questions, thus closing the doors. SEX is totally the last thing on your mind when you feel that, resulting in both parties now setting up walls. What I am saying here is that it is soooo important to communicate with your partner. If you do not feel sexy or you just think maybe you smell bad, (shush), you are committed to tell them. When one knows that the other is not into SEX because they are feeling low about themselves, the norm will actually try very hard to break down those damn insecurity walls. That’s where TRUST and SEX are joined. With out those two friends, there is noooo orgasms. I know everyone luvz those. To get orgasms you must engage in SEX. There is no need for words, or I dids, or I did not`s. It is just REAL FEELINGS between two people. Can you actually say after SEX with your partner, that you feel low or insecure? NOPE!..well HELLO then, maybe it is time to look at SEX as not just a perk in a relationship. Time to look at SEX as an answer to bringing your lows to highs. People pay good money for therapists, and ruin their bodies taking drugs to get those feelings. WHY, when we have the cure right in front of us? And with a willing partner at your feet to do your bidding? Need I say more? It’s probably the first thing one shuts down when they feel their self esteem taking the wrong turn. Well then in that case, you need to address it immediately and grab your partner and just have SEX. Don`t laugh, I am serious. Tease each other, make each other laugh. It will take one second of body play to get the veins filled with hot blood, that triggers off your sexual appetite, then it is the big “O” from there! Oh and guess what, no more low self esteem feelings. WOOT!!!

Question:

Are narcissists mostly hyperactive or hypoactive sexually and to what extent are they likely to be unfaithful in marriage?

Answer:

Broadly speaking, there are two types of narcissists, loosely corresponding to the two categories mentioned in the question.

Sex for the narcissist is an instrument designed to increase the number of Sources of Narcissistic Supply. If it happens to be the most efficient weapon in the narcissist’s arsenal – he makes profligate use of it. In other words: if the narcissist cannot obtain adoration, admiration, approval, applause, or any other kind of attention by other means (e.g., intellectually) – he resorts to sex.

He then become a satyr (or a nymphomaniac): indiscriminately engages in sex with multiple partners. His sex partners are considered by him to be objects - sources of Narcissistic Supply. It is through the processes of successful seduction and sexual conquest that the narcissist derives his badly needed narcissistic “fix”.

The narcissist is likely to perfect his techniques of courting and regard his sexual exploits as a form of art. He usually exposes this side of him – in great detail – to others, to an audience, expecting to win their approval and admiration. Because the Narcissistic Supply in his case is in the very act of conquest and (what he perceives to be) subordination – the narcissist is forced to hop from one partner to another.

Some narcissists prefer “complicated” situations. If men – they prefer virgins, married women, frigid or lesbian women, etc. The more “difficult” the target – the more rewarding the narcissistic outcome. Such a narcissist may be married, but he does not regard his extra-marital affairs as either immoral or a breach of any explicit or implicit contract between him and his spouse.

He keeps explaining to anyone who cares to listen that his other sexual partners are nothing to him, meaningless, that he is merely taking advantage of them and that they do not constitute a threat and should not be taken seriously by his spouse. In his mind a clear separation exists between the honest “woman of his life” (really, a saint) and the whores that he is having sex with.

With the exception of the meaningful women in his life, he tends to view all females in a bad light. His behaviour, thus, achieves a dual purpose: securing Narcissistic Supply, on the one hand – and re-enacting old, unresolved conflicts and traumas (abandonment by Primary Objects and the Oedipal conflict, for instance).

When inevitably abandoned by his spouse – the narcissist is veritably shocked and hurt. This is the sort of crisis, which might drive him to psychotherapy. Still, deep inside, he feels compelled to continue to pursue precisely the same path. His abandonment is cathartic, purifying. Following a period of deep depression and suicidal ideation – the narcissist is likely to feel cleansed, invigorated, unshackled, ready for the next round of hunting.

But there is another type of narcissist. He also has bouts of sexual hyperactivity in which he trades sexual partners and tends to regard them as objects. However, with him, this is a secondary behaviour. It appears mainly after major narcissistic traumas and crises.

A painful divorce, a devastating personal financial upheaval – and this type of narcissist adopts the view that the “old” (intellectual) solutions do not work anymore. He frantically gropes and searches for new ways to attract attention, to restore his False Ego (=his grandiosity) and to secure a subsistence level of Narcissistic Supply.

Sex is handy and is a great source of the right kind of supply: it is immediate, sexual partners are interchangeable, the solution is comprehensive (it encompasses all the aspects of the narcissist’s being), natural, highly charged, adventurous, and pleasurable. Thus, following a life crisis, the cerebral narcissist is likely to be deeply involved in sexual activities – very frequently and almost to the exclusion of all other matters.

However, as the memories of the crisis fade, as the narcissistic wounds heal, as the Narcissistic Cycle re-commences and the balance is restored – this second type of narcissist reveals his true colours. He abruptly loses interest in sex and in all his sexual partners. The frequency of his sexual activities deteriorates from a few times a day – to a few times a year. He reverts to intellectual pursuits, sports, politics, voluntary activities – anything but sex.

This kind of narcissist is afraid of encounters with the opposite sex and is even more afraid of emotional involvement or commitment that he fancies himself prone to develop following a sexual encounter. In general, such a narcissist withdraws not only sexually – but also emotionally. If married – he loses all overt interest in his spouse, sexual or otherwise. He confines himself to his world and makes sure that he is sufficiently busy to preclude any interaction with his nearest (and supposedly dearest).

He becomes completely immersed in “big projects”, lifelong plans, a vision, or a cause – all very rewarding narcissistically and all very demanding and time consuming. In such circumstances, sex inevitably becomes an obligation, a necessity, or a maintenance chore reluctantly undertaken to preserve his sources of supply (his family or household).

The cerebral narcissist does not enjoy sex and by far prefers masturbation or “objective”, emotionless sex, like going to prostitutes. Actually, he uses his mate or spouse as an “alibi”, a shield against the attentions of other women, an insurance policy which preserves his virile image while making it socially and morally commendable for him to avoid any intimate or sexual contact with others.

Ostentatiously ignoring women other than his wife (a form of aggression) he feels righteous in saying: “I am a faithful husband”. At the same time, he feels hostility towards his spouse for ostensibly preventing him from freely expressing his sexuality, for isolating him from carnal pleasures.

The narcissist’s thwarted logic goes something like this: “I am married/attached to this woman. Therefore, I am not allowed to be in any form of contact with other women which might be interpreted as more than casual or businesslike. This is why I refrain from having anything to do with women – because I am being faithful, as opposed to most other immoral men.

However, I do not like this situation. I envy my free peers. They can have as much sex and romance as they want to – while I am confined to this marriage, chained by my wife, my freedom curbed. I am angry at her and I will punish her by abstaining from having sex with her.”

Thus frustrated, the narcissist minimises all manner of intercourse with his close circle (spouse, children, parents, siblings, very intimate friends): sexual, verbal, or emotional. He limits himself to the rawest exchanges of information and isolates himself socially.

His reclusion insures against a future hurt and avoids the intimacy that he so dreads. But, again, this way he also secures abandonment and the replay of old, unresolved, conflicts. Finally, he really is left alone by everyone, with no Secondary Sources of Supply.

In his quest to find new sources, he again embarks on ego-mending bouts of sex, followed by the selection of a spouse or a mate (a Secondary Narcissistic Supply Source). Then the cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in sexual activity, emotional absence and cruel detachment leading to abandonment.

The second type of narcissist is mostly sexually loyal to his spouse. He alternates between what appears to be hyper-sexuality and asexuality (really, forcefully repressed sexuality). In the second phase, he feels no sexual urges, bar the most basic. He is, therefore, not compelled to “cheat” upon his mate, betray her, or violate the marital vows. He is much more interested in preventing a worrisome dwindling of the kind of Narcissistic Supply that really matters. Sex, he says to himself, contentedly, is for those who can do no better.

Somatic narcissists tend to verbal exhibitionism. They tend to brag in graphic details about their conquests and exploits. In extreme cases, they might introduce “live witnesses” and revert to total, classical exhibitionism. This sits well with their tendency to “objectify” their sexual partners, to engage in emotionally-neutral sex (group sex, for instance) and to indulge in autoerotic sex.

The exhibitionist sees himself reflected in the eyes of the beholders. This constitutes the main sexual stimulus, this is what turns him on. This outside “look” is also what defines the narcissist. There is bound to be a connection. One (the exhibitionist) may be the culmination, the “pure case” of the other (the narcissist).

The answer to this question lies in the biological and social roles of males and females and in the way that sex toys may replace the role of men in those relationships.

Simplifying the subject considerably, evolution has resulted in most species having males and females for sexual reproduction resulting in the sharing and diversification of the gentic pool. However the existence of two ‘versions’ of a species has also allowed the development of specialisations/roles for the males and females.

In mammals the main biological difference is that the male provides sperm and the female provides eggs. After fertilisation the female has the role of looking after the embryo in the uterus (womb) and providing milk to the offspring after birth.

With this simple view the male provides only the sperm and a widening of the gene pool. However it would generally be too expensive in resources (in evolutionary terms) for that to be the only role of males, and so social responsibilities have evolved. Males often look after their mate and offspring by helping to provide food, protection and a ‘home’.

With humans, changes in much of the world mean that many of these social roles can be provided by women alone and some women argue the world would be better off without men. Additionally biological advances may make men unnecessary for their biological role of fertilisation of the eggs.

The last remaining need for men might become one of providing entertainment and sexual satisfaction for women - but perhaps women could do without men for sex!

There is a growing move towards women turning to other women for sexual relationships; women are using sex toys more often as penis substitutes and many women find they get greater sexual satisfaction from sex toys (as measured by strength, frequency and reliability of orgasm) than they do from sex with men.

Some women act out the male role by using a strap-on harness and many dildos represent a man’s penis. On the other hand many women prefer to exclude the male phallic image from their sexual play and they choose a vibrator or dildo that is not phallic and may indeed have a distinctly feminine design as does the Natural Contours Ultime vibrator.

This simple picture, though perhaps frightening for men, is rather too much of a simplification. Many women have a psychological need for men as a partner in life and sex (as men do for women). Probably for most women this will always be the case. These women usually also enjoy sex toys, using them both on their own and with their partners to get more satisfaction and enriching their relationship.

If women as a whole could choose whether men existed or not I feel sure they would come down on the side of keeping them. However if some other reason arose why men had become undesirable then women have already shown they could do without them quite easily …

The answer to this question lies in the biological and social roles of males and females and in the way that sex toys may replace the role of men in those relationships.

Simplifying the subject considerably, evolution has resulted in most species having males and females for sexual reproduction resulting in the sharing and diversification of the gentic pool. However the existence of two ‘versions’ of a species has also allowed the development of specialisations/roles for the males and females.

In mammals the main biological difference is that the male provides sperm and the female provides eggs. After fertilisation the female has the role of looking after the embryo in the uterus (womb) and providing milk to the offspring after birth.

With this simple view the male provides only the sperm and a widening of the gene pool. However it would generally be too expensive in resources (in evolutionary terms) for that to be the only role of males, and so social responsibilities have evolved. Males often look after their mate and offspring by helping to provide food, protection and a ‘home’.

With humans, changes in much of the world mean that many of these social roles can be provided by women alone and some women argue the world would be better off without men. Additionally biological advances may make men unnecessary for their biological role of fertilisation of the eggs.

The last remaining need for men might become one of providing entertainment and sexual satisfaction for women - but perhaps women could do without men for sex!

There is a growing move towards women turning to other women for sexual relationships; women are using sex toys more often as penis substitutes and many women find they get greater sexual satisfaction from sex toys (as measured by strength, frequency and reliability of orgasm) than they do from sex with men.

Some women act out the male role by using a strap-on harness and many dildos represent a man’s penis. On the other hand many women prefer to exclude the male phallic image from their sexual play and they choose a vibrator or dildo that is not phallic and may indeed have a distinctly feminine design as does the Natural Contours Ultime vibrator.

This simple picture, though perhaps frightening for men, is rather too much of a simplification. Many women have a psychological need for men as a partner in life and sex (as men do for women). Probably for most women this will always be the case. These women usually also enjoy sex toys, using them both on their own and with their partners to get more satisfaction and enriching their relationship.

If women as a whole could choose whether men existed or not I feel sure they would come down on the side of keeping them. However if some other reason arose why men had become undesirable then women have already shown they could do without them quite easily …

There are many positive correlations between love, sex and health. Being so, it has produced many questions…..

Have you wondered if an active sex life can truly alleviate pain? Do sexually active people have fewer colds and bouts of flu? Is it true that married people live longer than single or divorced people? Can an active sex life help prevent disease and illnesses by strengthening our immune system?

I have these answers and more, read on….

An active sex life is both stimulating and rejuvenating to the glandular system. When we make love the pituitary gland, the thyroid gland, the adrenal glands, the prostate and testes in men, and the ovaries in women are thoroughly exercised. The net result is that people in love look and feel better about themselves.

Activation of the sex center in the brain has health effects on other brain centers. Every cell in the body gets this message and is strengthened by it. An active sex life strengthens our immune system. Scientists have compared the nerve endings of happy, loving and sexually-fulfilled people with unhappy and sexually-unfulfilled people.

Apparently, large numbers of immune-system cells were gathered near the nerve endings in the “happy” people. A similar microscopic exam of “unhappy” and depressed persons showed no such gathering of immune-system cells.

Scientists theorized that the nerve endings in the “happy” group were releasing neurotransmitters. These are chemicals, like adrenalin and acetylcholine, that facilitate the transmission of nerve messages.

Scientists concluded that these neurotransmitters could attract, feed, and strengthen the various immune-system cells. During sex, the heart beats twice as fast, pumping blood to the pelvis, breasts, nipples, and surface of the skin, helping get rid of toxins and bringing in nutrients.

We also breath twice as fast, bringing in more oxygen. Muscles are tensed and relaxed, alternatively. Of course, not much good is realized by those who rush through lovemaking in ten minutes or less.

But for those who spend a leisurely hour or two, the benefits can be considerable. You, and you alone can determine the success or failure of your sex and love life; your physical, mental and spiritual health; and almost every other aspect of your life.

It’s time to get busy, America. Sex toys are now out of the closet and on bedside tables everywhere, and this fun, steamy, fully illustrated website will walk you through the process of choosing, buying, and having a creative blast with your sex toys. Sex toys for women, sex toys for men, sex toys for both.

Couples and singles alike can enjoy sex-toy activities, laid out like recipes, and complete with tips for spicy variations. You will learn the male g spot, the female g spot, how to locate them. How to stimulate the g spot and sex toys to stimulate both Add vibrators to your favorite sex positions. Spice up your masturbation routine and toys for masturbation. Liven up oral sex with lubes and lotions and sex toys for oral sex.

Get comfortable with anal sex. Questions and answers from the most common questions, posted to alt sex binarys. Learn how to enjoy anal sex.

How to choose the proper sex toy for you. Complete with an explanation on textures and types available, the proper size that would be comfortable for you

With sex toy Web sites thriving and sex toy parties sweeping the nation (move over, Tupperware), This unique website provides a perfect dose of inspiration to get those toys fired up and ready to roll. Pictures complete with products details Fun sex education with illustrations.

There are an amazing variety of sex toys available. Sex toys vary from purely male or purely female sex toys to toys that can be used by both sexes. There are also some sex toys that can also be classified as sex aids or marital aids.

The Purpose Of Sex Toys

Some sex toys aid the man’s erection, stimulate the female genitals to become more sensitive or provide a different feel to ‘normal’ sex. Other sex toys provide an ‘environment’ for variations in sex, for example so called orgy bed sheets. Sometimes they are used to help a person who has difficulty with unaided sex to achieve sexual satisfaction. However most sex toys provide a new way to directly stimulate the male or female genitals to achieve sexual satisfaction.

Using sex toys can provide new experiences and variation in the sexual experience. It can also provide a fantasy element for enhancing or revitalising a relationship.

The usual expectation is that a sex toy provides direct stimulation of the genitals in foreplay and/or during sexual intercourse or as a means to obtain orgasm through only the stimulation provided by the sex toy.

Types of Sex Toys

Vibrating Sex Toys

Probably the most well known sex toys are ‘vibrators’ which, as the name suggests, provide stimulation of the genitals using vibration. They are mainly used to stimulate the clitoris, but may also be used to stimulate any other part of the female body or that of a man’s.

The simplest of these are pencil or wand shaped (though normally thicker than a pencil). A good example is the Ceramitex vibrator. They often have an internal battery (or two) which powers a small electric motor. Sometimes the battery pack and controller are external and connected to the vibrator by a wire. This motor is fitted with a small, out of balance, weight attached to the shaft. As this weight rotates it throws the motor and vibrator into a small circular movement which causes the vibration you feel.

With a vibrator that has a controller, as the power is increased the speed of the motor increases and with it both the rate and strength of vibration. Both the strength and rate of vibration effects how stimulating you find the sex toy. The best effect may not be as strong and as fast as possible. The optimum settings may well change as your degree of excitement builds. To get the best results it is worth buying a vibrator which is controllable.

Different vibrators will have different characteristics and you may well find you prefer one combination much more than another and your preference may even vary depending on which part of your body you are stimulating.

More recently electronic vibrator controllers have appeared which provide not only the static control of power/speed but also allow you to select patterns of power pulses and surges. These can be very effective.

There are also other vibrating sex toys such as butterfly stimulators and vibrating penis rings.

Other Powered Sex Toys

There are some sex toys that use other ways to provide mechanical stimulation. These usually depend on a motor that makes the sex toy continually change its shape which provides a sort of rotational movement or makes it move back and forth. The back and forth movements are sometimes powered by an air pump rather than a motor. The movements have been used to create, for example, mechanical licking tongues, vibrators that ‘penetrate’ the vagina and mouth simulators to give a man a ‘blow job’.

On a bigger scale and much more expensive, there are ’sex machines’ that incorporate thrusting and vibrating dildos.

Combination Sex Toys

So far we have covered vibrating, moving and thrusting sex toys. As you may have guessed these are all offered in a bewildering array of combinations.

A common combination in many ‘Rabbit Style’ vibrators is clitoral stimulation using vibrations and vaginal stimulation using movement and sometimes a thrusting motion as well. An excellent example of these is the Hitech Crystal Fantasy vibrator.

Many sex toys add varying textures to their surfaces; a dildo or vibrator may have ridges or soft spikes or a rippled shape.

Sensation Change Sex Toys

Some sex toys rather than provide vibrating or moving stimulation, change the feel of sex.

For instance there are a variety of sleeves to put over the penis to provide different sensations for both partners while engaged in penetrative sex.

There are rings that squeeze the base of the penis and/or tighten the scrotum that assist the man’s erection and also changes his sensations. There are penis extenders and thickeners which may give a man’s partner greater sensations during penetration.

There are a wide variety of lubricants that can significantly change the feel of sex.

There are PVC and Polyurethane bed sheets that are water and oil proof that can be used for slippery or messy sex.

Why Use A Sex Toy?

A good question is: why do people use a sex toy? Surely fingers, tongues, penises, clitorises and vaginas etc all provide great sexual stimulation and enjoyment.

Well, apart from therapeutic uses (eg erection assistance), sex toys can drive the imagination (being taken by a machine), provide variety (new ways to do old things), vary the stimulating effects in otherwise normal sex (penis sleeves) and some can provide experiences not possible with ‘normal body parts’ (particularly vibrating sex toys and electro-stimulation).

Where To Start

If you have not tried a sex toy before and don’t yet have an idea of what you might like, try one of the simpler vibrators first. Most probably you will enjoy the experience and then start to wonder what other delights can be found with more sophisticated vibrators and other sex toys …

If you then find you do enjoy sex toys try out a few others and find what suits you. Above all, have fun trying them out!

There is a widespread misunderstanding by many women, and surprisingly also by many men that boys and men only have sexual feelings in their penis, or even only in their penis head. The reason why many men also carry this misconception is probably that boys often are educated to suppress corporeal sensations and to be hard.

Many erogenous zones in men and boys are best activated when the body is relaxed, and the zones are stimulated in a gentle manner. Gentle stimulation of these zones in a relaxed state can give feelings of pleasure as strong as those in the penis, and can even result in some types of strong orgasmic reactions. Here is a survey of various erotic zones in the male body, and how to stimulate the sensations in these zones. You can stimulate yourself at these zones when masturbating, or the your female or gay partner can do the stimulation work.

THE SCROTUM AND THE TESTICLES

The scrotal skin and the content of the scrotum, including the testicles, are sensitive to erotic stimulation. When stimulating these genital parts, take first hold of the scrotum with your whole hand, warming it inside your hand, and massaging it gently by gripping movements. Warming and handling the scrotum gives feelings in the whole genital region. Stimulation of the scrotum also increases the blood circulation and engorgement of all the genital organs around the scrotum. The testicles are best stimulated by gentle rolling movements with your fingers. Also tickle the scrotal skin with your finger tips. A part of the penis is actually hidden partly inside and partly behind the scrotal sack, by palpating with your finger tips between the testicles or at the side under the scrotum; you can massage this part of the penis. A sharp massage with your finger tips gives the most intense sensations to this hidden root of the penis.

THE BREAST NIPPLES AND THEIR SURROUNDINGS

The nipples of a man are important erogenous zones, and a man has tits just as a woman, although the tits of a man are smaller and flatter that those of a woman. Actually a man has all the structures that a woman has in his breasts, but they are not developed to have a milk producing capacity. This means that a man’s breasts have the same erotic capacity as the tits of woman. A man’s nipples also have an erective capacity. They rise and get hard upon stimulation. When stimulating a man’s breasts, take hold of the breast with your whole hand, warming it inside your hand, and massaging it gently by gripping movements. To stimulate the nipples, massage gently around the nipples with a finger tip. Also squeeze the nipples with your fingers, varying the intensity from the very gentle nip to some harder pressure.

THE REGION BETWEEN THE PENIS AND THE ANUS

The visible penis is actually a part of a larger body beginning at the prostate region just in front of the anus, and reaches to the tip of the penis. The urethra also goes through this structure. The parts between your legs will engorge when you are sexually exited just as the penis, and when it engorges, the region bulges out between the legs. Upon mechanical stimulation, this area gives intense pleasurable feelings. You can stimulate this area by squeezing it between your fingers, pressing down against the urethra or massaging up and down along the urethra. You should change between gentle and a little harder handling, as these two manners give rise to different types of feelings.

THE NAVEL AND THE BLADDER REGION

The navel is an erotic point, and so are the structures in the middle of the belly between the navel and the penis. This structure contains a groove between the belly muscles. The structures in this groove are very sensuous, the so called linea alba. The naval can be stimulated by sticking a finger into it, and by tickling with your finger deep down in the navel. Also here you should alternate between light, gentle, slow tickling, and harder sharper tickling. This stimulation give sensations that radiate out form the navel to the surroundings, and spreads downwards to the tip of your penis, giving a very funny feeling in your penis. The groove between the navel and the penis, you can stimulate by massaging up and down with the tip of your fingers.

THE BUTTOCKS AND ANAL SURROUNDINGS

The inner sides of the buttocks in the natal cleft give rise to deep erotic feelings with a very special intimate valor. Move your fingers up and down between the buttocks from the spine to the opposite end between the legs, and gently massage the inner side of each buttock with your finger tips. You can also concentrate your attention to the region deep inside the cleft very near the anus and tickle these most intimate points with your finger tips. Further you can stretch each buttock to the side so that the butt cleft opens, and the rectal opening is also stretched. The result of these manipulations is erotic sensations that radiate to the whole pelvic area, flow deep inside you and rise upwards along your spine.

THE ANUS AND THE OUTER RECTUM

The anal region is in many ways the real central of feelings in a man or boy. By stimulating this area in the proper ways, you can create a process that spread waves of intense feelings of joy, pleasure and ecstasy up through the whole body, partly forward to the genitals and belly region, and partly along the spine up to the neck. You best stimulate the rectal opening by very gentle circulatory movements with your finger tips. Alternate between these circulatory movements and the stimulation of the insides of the buttocks. You can also stick a smeared finger into the anal opening and stimulate by gentle movements in and out. By sticking your finger further inside, you can gently massage the inside walls of the anus. By adding some pressure, your stimulation reaches deep into the tissue around the rectum. All these stimulation give rise to profound feelings radiating to the whole body.

THE DEEP PART OF THE RECTUM

The perhaps most intimate and sensitive zone of a man, is the deep part of the rectum. This zone can be reached by gay intercourse or with a dildo or some other long object. When inserting something in the anus to stimulate this zone, it is necessary to be very cautious so that the intestinal walls are not hurt. However, this zone is so sensitive that even the gentlest stimulation gives an immense depth of feelings, both of physical and psychological kind. You can stimulate this zone by gently and gradually by inserting a thin smeared dildo, and when fully inserted, very gently move it a little in and out, a little around, or press gently to different sides with the dildo. The more you relax, and the longer you do this stimulation, the deeper and more intense will the feelings grow.

THE PROSTATE:

The prostate lies just in front of the anus and the urethra goes through it. This gland produces much of the viscous fluid in the semen. You can stimulate it from the outside by pressing somewhat firmly with your fingers inward just in front of the anus. There is a deepening in this area, just like a little vagina. Press your finger into this groove and a little forward. You can also stimulate the prostate by inserting your finger into the anus and massage the prostate through the front wall of the anus. The massage releases prostate fluid. Feeling the fluid coming through your urethra and dripping out through you pee-hole, add to the physical excitement. Also the prostate have its own sexual feelings, and prostate massage combined with anal stimulation can induce a form of orgasm that has a much deeper psychological and ecstatic impact than ordinary penile orgasm.

Gone are the days when people could have multiple partners without the use of a condom, and other safe sex practices.

Safe sex is all about keeping yourself, and your partner, protected from the complications of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted disease.

Although the concept of safe sex seems easy enough to understand, more and more people — young people in particular — seem to be missing the point, or missing the concept of how to accomplish safe sex. And just how safe and reliable is that condom when it comes right down to it? A condom can’t promise 100% protection from AIDS or from pregnancy.

For males in particular, another problem with practicing safe sex is remembering to take the time to …

(a) have a condom ready
(b) know how to use it properly, and
(c) take the time to put it on.

It’s important to educate young people today in the proper use of condoms so that they understand when and how to use them. There’s no point to having a condom ready if neither partner is going to take time to enforce its use. In a very practical sense, however, although a condom is typically worn by the male partner during heterosexual intercourse (and typically by both partners in a homosexual one), the responsibility for proper condom-IQ is borne by both partners.

Fortunately, there are more and more products appearing on the market to help people to plan for safe sex and to practice this method of responsible intercourse. Since both the birth control pill and the condom aren’t 100% effective, combining the use of both of them together will increase your chances of staying safe.

It’s also vital to be aware of a partner’s sexual history, and to seek “medical clearance” before engaging in a new relationship. This is especially important for those in polygamous relationships (more than one sexual partner at a time), because a “chain” of unsafe sex can start with any partner and spread rapidly through a previously healthy group.

The only way that there are going to be less unwanted pregnancies, and less transmission of STD’s is if all sexually active people – both young and old — are educated in the concepts of safe sex and what it means to them. In particular, in parts of the country where access to information is more challenging (such as some underprivileged areas), it’s vital that communities step forward and provide this education.

Young men, in particular, need to understand the implications and risks of unprotected sex and what it can mean to their lives when they have an unwanted pregnancy or find out that they have a STD. Safe sex starts with education and knowledge, neither of which any young teen can do without.

Say ‘sexy lingerie’ and most people will think of black and red lacy peep-hole bras and crotchless panties! However, this concept is such a poor representation of what sexy lingerie is and what it does.

It can transform a ‘normal’ body into one that would befit a model or actress and the physiological effects can make even more of a transformation! Read on….

Gone are the days when sexy lingerie was something that was bought by a woman or man to enhance sex – nowadays, it does so much more.

Certainly, items such as silky baby dolls; pretty, colourful bras and knickers; suspenders; lacy teddies etc can enhance the experience of making love, but now women are seeing more to the picture that just that.

Sexy underwear is steadily becoming a staple part of a woman’s normal day wear. Under many a suited, working woman you’ll see a hint of lacy bra or extra sheer stockings that give the lady a certain ‘oommpph’.

Not only does the wearing of ‘sexy’ lingerie exude sexuality (sometimes unbeknown to the lady in question), wearing sensuous, pretty/ racy underwear can boost a woman’s confidence in her body ten-fold.

The good news is that today’s sexy lingerie is no longer uncomfortable, scratchy and unpractical. Fluid lines, top quality lace and silk and other sensual

materials, and, most important, a style suited for today’s woman (as opposed to yesterday’s stick insect shape) means they are like a second skin - and a very flattering one at that.

‘Larger’ ladies – and the term is used very loosely as around 40% of the UK population falls in to this outdated category - are now catered for when it comes ot choosing pretty, fn and racy undies!

Push up bras can make the most of an ample (or tiny) breast whilst lacy boy pants can flatter a round belly and cuddly bottom whilst thongs can show of sexy legs.

Wearing beautiful, sexy underwear cannot help but have a positive mental effect on the wearer – and a more confident, happy person will radiate this and reap the rewards.

The key to make the most of wearing sexy lingerie is to focus on a part of your body that is really great – and we all have at least one, it is just that we tend to focus on the less than great bits – and then dress to really show it off. Even if it is hidden under your suit, or a t shirt and jeans, you know that you are wearing .. and then so will other people!

A diamond stud earring is made up of just one perfectly cut diamond, set in fine gold or silver. The simplicity of the design itself is its own selling point: anything fancier and you could easily fall into the trap of over-accessorizing. A single-stone earring is singled out for its sophisticated look.

A diamond is 58 times harder than the next hardest mineral on earth, corundum, the stuff from which rubies and sapphires are formed. Only diamonds can cut other diamonds. Ironically, diamonds are also brittle. If you hit one hard with a hammer, it will shatter. If it is placed in an oven and heated to about 763 degrees Celsius (1405 degrees Fahrenheit), it will simply vanish, releasing only a little carbon dioxide and NO visible traces whatsoever.

Contrary to popular perception, diamond stud earrings are not just for women! There are quite a few male celebrities who have popularized the use of ear accessories — Johnny Depp being among the more famous of them. Respected artists like Usher and Kanye West have taken to sporting diamond earrings. Morgan Freeman wore a diamond earring to a roundtable discussion of his movie “The Sum of All Fears” in Washington DC in May 2002.

If stud earrings ever looked elegant on a woman, ironically enough they fantastically boost the macho appeal of the men who wear them. The purity of the stone, the value of the stud, all speak highly of the man’s discerning taste, his eye for refinement. After all, uncouth bad boy-types aren’t the only virile types in the world — the snazzy, clean-cut James Bond figure has also been universally identified as irresistibly macho.

The virtue of the diamond stud earring lies in its unisex appeal. Both men and women have the privilege of accessorizing, and a single diamond stud is sometimes more than enough to set off their own personal styles. A simple diamond stud earring is timeless, and appropriately goes with the saying “Fashion fades. Style is eternal.”

This small questionnaire will only take a few moments. Try to answer the questions as honestly as you can, after all only you have access to the answers. Just make a note of your answers, then calculate your scoring; then you’ll find out how your sex drive is effecting your relationships!

Q1. How often do you have sex with your partner?
a) everyday. b) 2 or 3 times a week. c) 2 or 3 times a month. d) Less.
Q2. How often do you have sex with someone other than your partner?
a) everyday. b) 1 or 2 times a week. c) occasionally. d) Never.
Q3. How often do you think about having sex?
a) everyday. b) 2 or 3 times a week. c) 2 or 3 times a month. d) Less.
Q4. How often do you masturbate?
a) everyday. b) 2 or 3 times a week. c) 2 or 3 times a month. d) Less.
Q5. When having sex with your partner, do you ever use Sex Toys?
a) yes, a lot. b) yes, occasionally. c) I’ve tried it. d) Never.
Q6. When masturbating, do you ever use Sex Toys?
a) yes, a lot. b) yes, occasionally. c) I’ve tried it. d) Never.
Q7. Do you ever role-play when having sex, i.e. dressing up?
a) yes, a lot. b) yes, occasionally. c) I’ve tried it. d) Never.

In this segment, mark ALL the answers that apply!
Q8. What events are most likely to turn you on?
a) watching an x-rated movie (with your partner or on your own).
b) watching the Saturday Night premier, with the love scenes.
c) waking up/going to bed next to your partner
d) romantic dinner / evening for the two of you.
Q9. Where have you had sex?
a) in the bedroom
b) all over the house
c) in the garden
d) in a public place
Q10. What fantasies have you fulfilled?
a) yours
b) your partners
c) ones that you saw in an x-rated movie or magazine
d) none

SCORING:
Just tally the all the values beside the answers that you have selected; remember that questions 8, 9 and 10 may have multiple answers.
Q1. a)3 b)2 c)1 d)0 Q2. a)3 b)2 c)1 d)0 Q3. a)3 b)2 c)1 d)0 Q4. a)3 b)2 c)1 d)0 Q5. a)3 b)2 c)1 d)0 Q6. a)3 b)2 c)1 d)0 Q7. a)3 b)2 c)1 d)0 Q8. a)1 b)1 c)1 d)1 Q9. a)1 b)1 c)1 d)1 Q10. a)1 b)1 c)1 d)1
INTERPRETING YOUR SCORE:
IF YOU SCORE TOTAL IS BETWEEN 0 and 11.
You have a very low sex drive. This may have a negative effect on your relationships. I know that a healthy relationship is not based on sex, they are based on trust, love, and communication. However intimacy leads to intimacy; what I mean is that there are different forms of intimacy, touch intimacy (non sexual, like hugs, caress, holding hands, massage, etc.), verbal intimacy and sexual intimacy. When you are have sexual intimacy with your partner you are laying the paving stones, for a more intimate relationship. You will have to try and loose some of your inhibitions allowing your partner the key, or at least lending him the key more often. You can obtain tutorial books and DVD’s on learning how to become more intimate with your partner.
IF YOU SCORE TOTAL IS BETWEEN 12 and 22.
You have a perfectly healthy and normal sex drive. This will have a positive effect on your relationships. Your sexual intimacy will lead to other forms of intimacy with your partner, ultimately taking you to the next level.
IF YOU SCORE TOTAL IS BETWEEN23 and 33.
You have a high sex drive. This may have a negative effect on any relationships you have. You have to balance all the different aspects of intimacy; what I mean is that there are different forms of intimacy, touch intimacy (non-sexual, like hugs, caress, holding hands, massage, etc.), verbal intimacy and sexual intimacy. If you focus on just one, your relationships will struggle to get to next level. you need to understand that there are more to relationships than just sex. What I recommend is more masturbating to cure your urge so that you can focus on balancing intimacy types to try to take you to deeper relationship that is more meaningful. You can use sex toys for more satisfying masturbation!

According to the researchers, while writers and artists from Byron to Picasso have perpetuated the notion of the amorous artist, the new study may be the first to offer up some real proof.

“Creative people are often considered to be very attractive and get lots of attention as a result. They tend to be charismatic and produce art and poetry that grab people’s interest,” said the study author Dr Daniel Nettle, a lecturer in psychology at Newcastle University’s School of Biology.

The study of 425 British citizens included a sampling of visual artists and poets. The participants were asked about how much poetry and visual art they created, their psychiatric history, and their sexual encounters since age 18.

More sexual partners for creatives
In comparison to an average of 3 for non-creative people, the average number of sexual partners for poets and creative artists was between 4 and 10. The investigators reported in the November 29 issue of The Proceedings of the Royal Society that the more creative a person was, the higher the number of sexual adventures.

Nettle speculated that sexual exploration may be encouraged by the artistic personality.

“It could also be that very creative types lead a bohemian lifestyle and tend to act on more sexual impulses and opportunities, often purely for experience’s sake, than the average person would,” he said. “Moreover, it’s common to find that this sexual behaviour is tolerated in creative people. Partners, even long-term ones, are less likely to expect loyalty and fidelity from them.”

Instead of Roses and Rings is a wonderful tale of love and healing for two men in one university. This is not a “smut” romance – you will not find erotic scenes in this tender, insiders’ view into the life of men who prefer the company of men.

Chris unknowingly haunts Alexis from the moment they meet. Alexis sees things that lead him to believe that Chris has the gift of sight and this intrigues him - yet Alexis also fears an eerie paranormal connection between Chris’s features and an old lover who died in the past.

Innocent of all of this, Chris clumsily struggles to understand his sexuality and the new lifestyle without the aide of having someone there to explain things to him or share his fears with. He selflessly and without pride, adores Alexis with such intensity that it almost destroys them both – yet it ends up being their very salvation.

Torn between emotional scars from the past and society’s expectations, they attempt to maintain composure while dealing with these new and intense feelings. Leering and biased adversaries seem to lurk around every corner, yet good–hearted friends give them the strength and the council to get beyond misunderstandings and face the strong, confusing emotions that come with the beginnings of love. These two men are from the same world, but have come from opposite ends of the spectrum – love soon proves to be blind to all such boundaries.

I would be remiss as a reviewer if I did not mention the myriad of grammatical errors in this book. Sentences were occasionally missing entire words or used the wrong word (i.e. hear instead of here) and the author’s use of incorrect punctuation brought down the quality of my journey in this tale as a reader.

The dream sequences were some of the most unique that I have read. The author decided to refrain from any punctuation of any kind, which once accustomed to, actually brings a real sense of the speed and flashing events that people experience in dreams.

Many parents are confused about what they should tell their children about sex and when and how this should happen. Parents are also concerned that sexual information might heighten children’s interest in experimentation, but many studies have shown that information and education do not encourage sexual activity. On the contrary, wellinformed children make better and informed decisions regarding their sexuality, when they feel that no subjects are considered taboo at home. Some parents are concerned that their children never ask any questions of a sexual nature. Children pick up subtle cues and have probably realised that the topic makes parents feel uncomfortable and therefore steer clear of it. It is important to make children feel good about their sexuality