Love’s All About Chemistry
Is there a happy medium? To you love wholeheartedly without losing yourself requires a very different perspective of relationships. Even though you know that relationships require work, deep down you cling to a sweet illusion that meeting the right person is all it takes. You will then take off on your magic carpet ride. Think again! Soon that magic rug will be pulled from underneath you.
If you long for a partner who is wholeheartedly behind you, ask yourself, are you the same partner? Do you give that which you seek in your relationship? Ironically, many lack the qualities they seek in their partners. Listen to your heart and when it feels right, feel the fear and love anyway. Love without hesitation and with all you heart. Don’t let your fear of rejection and getting hurt kill your desires or steal your dreams. You may have stared in the face of love before. Maybe you “chickened-out.” Next time, don’t be a chicken!
If you are in a relationship of love, here is a universal truth: Love is choice and if you choose it wholeheartedly, you are never going to lose it. Love teaches you to become a better human being. Restore your faith in love and become emotionally available to each other. Put your fears and your past behind you and become lovable by being loving. Learn to trust by trusting yourself. Surrendering to love does not mean losing yourself. Yet, even when it is safe to open your heart, you may feel weakened by the anxiety that this love will disappear.
When in love, how do you preserve your identity and course in life? Here is the number one reason for losing yourself in a relationship: Your belief that love is something you either deserve or not! Your misguided belief leads you to counterproductive efforts to do almost anything to get love and even more to hold onto it:
- You modify your identity to gain approval and love from your partner.
- You hold back intimacy to protect your vulnerability.
- You have a need to manipulate your partner.
There is nothing you have to be, or do, to earn love. When it is love, there is very little you can do to destroy it. If you can believe that, you will accept that:
- You can be loved even if you are not perfect
- You can be loved while keeping your course in life
- You can be loved without getting lost in love
Love is the most powerful human lesson you are ever to learn. It is a purposeful interdependence through which you become so much more than on your own. Once you can understand that love is not something to be found, rather it is in you to be shared, you can love wholeheartedly without fear. Don’t turn your back on love every time it touches you, because when you give up on love you give up on yourself.
She points out that recent studies show the same regions of the brain including the frontal cortex which is activated when a drug addict is high and when someone in love is looking at a picture of a loved one. Researchers at University College in London recently recorded changes in the brains of people who described themselves as “truly and madly” in love. The researchers, Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki used a functional magnetic resonance imager to scan the brains of 17 lovehappy volunteers. When the team showed volunteers photos of their lovers, the results were dramatic. Four small areas of the brain lit up instantly the same areas that have been shown to respond to euphoria-inducing drugs.
Old friends, apparently, don’t quite cause the same stir. Fisher is conducting similar studies and is scanning the brain activity of people newly in love.
THREE STAGES OF LOVE
As most know; however, the rush people feel from new love usually doesn’t last forever. And Fisher is also interested in understanding the biological stimulants and anthropological explanations for all phases of love.
She argues that there are three main stages to a love relationship: lust, romantic love and attachment. The first, she says, is “to get you looking for anything at all” and is driven by hormones like testosterone.
The romantic love phase, which creates the brain chemical reactions described by the London researchers, serves to “force you to focus your mating energy on one person at a time.”
And the fmal, less steamy stage of attachment is to ensure that any children produced by a love match has parents at least through its early years.
Research shows there may also be chemicals associated with feelings of attachment. When researchers injected a natural chemical called oxytocin into the mice, the animals immediately formed attachments. When they injected chemicals that block the effect of oxytocin, Fisher says; the mice “avoided their partners and acted like cads.”
Recent studies have zeroed in on the chemistry of love, revealing what kind of chemical and neurological activities occur at different stages of human and animal relationships.
Love is enhanced by natural stimulants to the brain, dopamine and noreinphrine.
Gushy romantic sensations similar to the high of drug addiction.
Regions of the brain stirred when thinking of the loved one.
The stages of lust, love and attachment are affected by body chemicals.
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